One Liners Joke

"Roll up, roll up..."
said the tour guide at the cigarette museum

One Liners Joke

I'm naming my new yacht "Drug Deal Gone Right."

One Liners Joke

Was driving around the neighbourhood where I grew up today.
As I sat there, with the car in reverse, It really took me back.

One Liners Joke

Does anyone know the name of that black guy who plays for Wigan Athletic?

One Liners Joke

My wife went out to buy a new car but all she came back with was a bar stool.
Apparently, it's the new Seat.

One Liners Joke

My wife thinks I'm too critical.
Thats a fault of hers.

One Liners Joke

Nothing says "I'm a fat, ugly slag with a 400 car" quite like a 'Babe on board' window sign...

One Liners Joke

Just got back from a typical labour strong hold...
...or Asda as its commonly known.

One Liners Joke

I can't stand people who contradict themselves, they're alright.

One Liners Joke

A rolling stone gathers no moss, ....... that's the last time I hire Keith Richards to do my landscaping...

One Liners Joke

I like how the 'Delete Browsing History' is in the safety part of the toolbar !

One Liners Joke

Electric goods manuals are too hard to understand these days.
I'm not sure about you but I can't speak that many languages.

One Liners Joke

A Policeman saved my life last night, he stopped hitting me with his baton.

One Liners Joke

What's the difference between stinking immigrants and Colgate.
You're less likely to find a tube full of Colgate.

One Liners Joke

Duck pluckers get me down.

One Liners Joke

Do you ever had that feeling that you're being watched? Yeah that's me.

One Liners Joke

Today, my maths teacher made work out 50 moving averages. I thought it was a pretty mean thing to do.

One Liners Joke

There are two types of people in this World, those who finish what they start and

One Liners Joke

If you think that your too small in this world to make an impact, try going to sleep with a mosquito in the room.

One Liners Joke

The hardest part of my Nan's death, was pushing her.

One Liners Joke

Feminism: making muslims look attractive since 1960.

One Liners Joke

I'm disappointed that Graeme Garden didn't get a knighthood in the NY honours list, really want his wife to become "Lady Garden".

One Liners Joke

A boy stabbed his father in a row about a playstation 3 game.
The boy was quoted to be "Devastated at his own behaviour"
I dont see why.
Im always chuffed when i get a melee kill.

One Liners Joke

My Mum always said that my brother and I were like two peas in a pod.
Disappointing

One Liners Joke

i went into a fancy dress shop yesterday and asked if they had any long sticks used for jousting at medievil events, they said they didn't stock them.
You just can't get the Staff these days