I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.

I used to see this girl across the road from me but she closes her curtains now!

Bad actors have their work cut out.

My wife and I are a fastidious couple.
I am fast and she is hideous.

I went into a shop and I said, "Can someone sell me a kettle." The bloke
said "Kenwood" I said, "Where is he then?"

The all new kindle... because you need to carry 3500 books around

Everybody has an ego. Mine's just bigger...
and better.

I've heard that reincarnation is making a comeback

Deaf people are lip reading as we speak.

Broken arms: Painful, but humerus

What's the point of looking up the spelling of a word in the dictionary when you don't know how to spell it in the first place?

There are II types of people in the world: those who understand Roman numerals and those who don't.

If there are any guitarists here who want to know the secret to making their instrument sound better, stay tuned.

Never judge a book by its movie.

And so, with a heavy heart, I explained to the wife that I've got too much iron in my blood.

How do you stop an Ethiopian from drowning?
Steal his plane tickets.

3.14% of sailors are Pi Rates.

I should have never wished for better hindsight.

Two fish swim into a concrete wall.
One turns to the other and says, "Dam!"

I'm sick of all the Irish stereotypes.
As soon as I finish this drink, I'm punching someone.

This is not the greatest joke in the world, this is just a tribute

A little birdie told me my golf skills are improving.

I just found 20 hanging from my ceiling.
It was a suicide note.

My teacher used to say I wasn't very observant ...
...to be honest, that was his/her opinion.

Old Chinese proverb say: Man who walks through doorway sideways with erection is always going to Bangkok.