Just over four months later, I'm still pleased she's dead.

here's a tip for you.. said the masturbating leper :)

I need you like JFK needed a roof on his car...

Yesterday, I went to sleep with my head at the foot of my bed to mix things up. This morning, I woke up slightly confused about where I was. Misson accomplished.

If my six-year-old neighbour were a raffle, I would enter her.

Is it rude to stare at blind people?

What do Sikh people say when they finish getting dressed?
Thats a wrap

I think I hate indecisive, prejudiced hypocrites.

You know who likes being fisted? Sock Puppets!

It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature

This joke is going down quicker than Jennifer Thompson with 1200 in her pocket

Was listening to MC Hammer earlier and it got me thinking.
Is there anything McDonald's wont try to make money off?

What do you call a fat Alien?.
The Extra Cholesterol

I swear I just saw Steven Hawking on X-Factor?

I really pulled out all the stops when I was asked to write an essay on poor grammar

My wife keeps doubling up the bin bags.
Totally ruining my perfectly good one-liners.

I saw a balloon having an argument with some muslims today, It was almost like it wanted to get blown up

"We'll have less of that, a bit more often."

I used to think I was a small french town, but now I'm not Sochaux.

I hate going to B&Q, it's full of tools.

Weight Watchers. Proudly making money out of miserable fat people for 47 years.

Inflatable wigs, so you can really let your hair down.

What's the definition of a Will?
... Come on it's a dead give-away!

Lets face it,its not the first time Ashley Cole has shot his load into something he shouldn't.

This tear-free shampoo works great, but I still really miss my dead parents