One Liners Joke

I love having a mirrored ceiling, it gives me the opportunity to reflect on the naughty things I get up to.

One Liners Joke

As a cost-cutting measure, the local council has closed its housing benefits call centre and opened a walk-in office inside Lidl.

One Liners Joke

Did anybody else notice that Johnny Bravo was a paedophile?

One Liners Joke

If you murder a murderer do you become a murdererer?

One Liners Joke

the irish were robbed. french knickers.

One Liners Joke

My wifes so fat, even our wedding photo weighed 30lbs.

One Liners Joke

Found an old pair of pants in my wardrobe today with extra cloth at the bottom.
That's a turn up.

One Liners Joke

I told my wife that her new dress reminds me of a cured epileptic.
"It's a miracle?" She asked.
"Try again" I replied.
"OK, urmm... you really like it?" She implored.
"Nope" I responded.
"OK, I give up, why does my new dress remind you of a cured epileptic?" She Inquired
"It doesn't fit"

One Liners Joke

You're about as much use as the lid on a McFlurry.

One Liners Joke

My wife has died after falling off a cliff.
I think she has taken it all a step too far.

One Liners Joke

I always knew I'd write the book on predictions.

One Liners Joke

An aspiring writer tells his colleague: ''From my early childhood, I have always been using two single quotes instead of double ones and no one has ever noticed!''

One Liners Joke

Women should be more like Facebook. Once you become friends with her, u should have access to all of her privates.

One Liners Joke

I've got quite a lot of clout at work, I've opened a strip club.

One Liners Joke

Speech Therapists. They have ways of making you talk.

One Liners Joke

Smith's Scampi Fries - officially reminding men of that ex they will always regret.

One Liners Joke

The best thing about school girls is that as I get older, they stay the same age.

One Liners Joke

Liverpool Echo, gives the term a "mourning paper" a whole new meaning.

One Liners Joke

I think Fajita's get a bad wrap these days

One Liners Joke

I Gotta Feeling... and if that feeling has anything to do with Fergies' outfit then it's arousal.

One Liners Joke

Oh nooos! Ive got caster wheels on my sofa. Does that mean its really a settee?

One Liners Joke

Rumour is they are playing the Ashes in Athens next time round..

One Liners Joke

Homeless people- more money than sense.

One Liners Joke

The Lisbon Treaty - Supporting Conspiracy Theorists since 2007

One Liners Joke

Do incontinent optimists see their bladders as half-full?