I'm finding some of the humour about the
dead child in the tumble dryer a bit dry.

Carbon Footprint - a metaphor for the mark you leave on the earth as you live your life, ofcourse i dont have one as i drive everywhere.

Last night I got drunk and stole a Police helicopter...
I've landed myself in it now.

Being crushed by large objects can be very depressing.

As a polygamist, my life won't be complete until I find that special somefive.

Pizza jokes are all about the delivery.

If alcohol is not the answer, change the question.

The Wife has just turned over a new Leaf.
She's Crashed our Nissan Electric Car.

The wife got very annoyed yesterday because she couldn't find the mattress.
She lost her tempur

I aim to put a stop to uncompleted sentences.

I recently got a job as Werewolf. It's only part time.

Some dirty old bag hit me today, was well windy.

When a person with a bad limp gets drunk, do they walk normal?

I'd never buy chicken from the co-op.

A lion walked onto a packed escalator.
You should've seen the uproar.

People accuse me of being lazy, but I'll think of a comeback soon.

Have I got multiple personalities? A part of me says yes.

You know that you're fat when you have a Christmas card ready for the pizza delivery man.

I wouldn't say I'm arrogant but Superman has pictures of me on his pyjamas.

I got thrown out of the local bookies today because apparently I don't understand how betting works.
What're the odds?

I find drag racing very straightforward.

Did the makers of Freddo really think putting the price up wouldn't be noticed?!

Let's face the facts.
Scented toilet paper is a battle that can never be won.

Being a nihilist has brought so much meaning to my life.

Amputees- they need a shoulder to cry on