I Drank a Pint of Real Ale last night called 'Bodmin'.
It was very Moorish.

With the recent spout of evil dictators across the world being overthrown and brutally executed, I can't help but think it's Saddam shame for their families

My mate was trying to convince me he had x-ray vision..
I saw straight through him

Nothing measures up to my ruler.

My native American telecoms company went up in smoke.

I may be stupid but at least I'm not clever.

I think therefore I am.
Descartes
I drink therefore I am.
Gazza
I'm pink therefore I'm Spam.
Tin of meat.

I'm a coward and I am very afraid to admit it.

I'm dying to know if I'm a good patient.

My dad once said to me,
"Don't quote other people's advice."

Whenever I'm on a plane, I always sit right at the back because you never hear of a plane backing into a mountain do you?

I've got an old style driving licence, which really shows my age.

Tonight's programme 'The history of strobe lighting' may contain flashing images...

I'm alergic to martial arts, i've got Kungfubia.

When I found out I was losing in the Stag Swimming Race, my hart sank.

My eyes are frowned upon.

I'm annoyed with angles, to a degree.

Knowing the facts takes all the fun out of making decisions.

There are two things you ought to know about me: one is that I never say never, the other is that I often contradict myself.

Hearing about the events about to unfold in Iran, France has surrendered

I have a burning question, Is it hot?

I tease about drugs a lot, but in reality I take them seriously.

I always XD when I see a Chinese person eating an orange slice.

How can you tell the Irishman aboard an aircraft carrier?
He's the one throwing bread to the helicopters.

I got quite emotional at the garage today - it was a lovely service.