My girlfriend's called Aoife, which has all but one vowel in it, so I send the same message to her while I'm at work:
To Aoife. Missing u always
I've come up with more irrelevant similes than a cat on a hot tin roof.
There is no need to contradict a woman. She'll do it herself sooner or later.
My friend once told me that I am socially awkward.
I didn't know what to say.
Lets try and keep my Parkinson's out of ttthiiiss.
They say laughter is the best medicine, so when I ask girls out they must think I am sick.
When asked who their favourite Rice Krispie character is, most people make a Snap decision.
I've been beside myself with worry since being diagnosed with schizophrenia.
I've got a new blank chess board. Check it out.
Jews are usually so good with savings.
Ironically, they couldn't save themselves.
I failed my chair exam.
I have to resit.
Michael Owen, Owen Hargreaves and Emile Heskey walk into a bar .... and ask for jobs.
It really shows the stupidity of the Americans when the Africans speak better English than they do.
There was a head on collision involving a milk float and a blood mobile. Both drivers got 3 pints on their license.
Sometimes I wish I was black . . .
Kinda rules out being Ginger.
Why do the taliban have to make a song and dance out of everything?
It's funny how people change.Although, apparently that's not a valid excuse for lurking around Debenham's changing rooms.
Vodka is just potatoes that made the right career choices.
I have invented a door made entirely from seeds that opens by voice command.
"Open Sesame"
To be honest, I'd have to stop telling lies.
My mrs.brought home 30 knickerbocker glories! I'll never eat those in a month of sundaes!
If a ginger person leaves a suicide note,
Does anybody read it?
Unfortunately, there is no "I" in the word "Ego".
I've been putting in the hours at my new job at Kwik-Fit, it's tyring work.
My girlfriend said to me today, "Do you not find me attractive anymore?"
I said, "you'll have to speak up love, I can't hear you through the bag."
