One Liners Joke

Where's the best place to weigh a pie?
Somewhere over the rainbow!

One Liners Joke

I hate people who are indirect, you know who you are.

One Liners Joke

I've had a spectacular day.
It was in 1997, I think.

One Liners Joke

Recent evidence shows that Princess Dianas' driver was on drugs at the time of the crash.
Speed and Smack.

One Liners Joke

NEWS:
baby killed by lamp post falling on top of pram.
At the time the Mother was asking for a light.

One Liners Joke

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.

One Liners Joke

Sky News "US woman to be executed with IQ between 70 and 72"
So 71?

One Liners Joke

I crawled into my exam today.
I was told to take a different approach.

One Liners Joke

And the 1,678,743'rd rule of monotony club is ......

One Liners Joke

Alcohol killed my Dad.
He was run over by a Carlsberg Lorry.

One Liners Joke

In an ideal world, I'd work in a casino.

One Liners Joke

sky news confirm fred west's brother john was a serial salmon killer

One Liners Joke

I think it goes without saying...

One Liners Joke

Left my job at the Fat Fighters monthly magazine when they made my weight an issue.

One Liners Joke

I was so poor as a child.
My Shoes were that worn that i could throw a Penny on the Floor, and then put my Foot over it and be able to tell whether it was Heads or Tails.

One Liners Joke

Doorbells. There's a nice ring to them.

One Liners Joke

My hatred for my wife is like a horse's foreskin...
It goes back a long way.

One Liners Joke

You know you're in a rough pub when they've got the Racing Channel on.

One Liners Joke

I have just seen an ad watching football
Abu Dhabi - Travellers welcome
Well you can have them all, nice to know they're accepted somewhere

One Liners Joke

Swallowed a couple of Es at University.
Apparently that makes me a 'bad loser' at Scrabble.

One Liners Joke

Moose knuckle. The ugly cousin of camel toe

One Liners Joke

Finally, a Palin family member who knew when to pull out.

One Liners Joke

I'm not arrogant im just genuinely better.

One Liners Joke

I don't know what I'd like to be more... a music teacher or a 15 Year old girl.

One Liners Joke

Did anybody else know about this live performance of 'Green Street'?