A Mistress is what goes in between a Mister and a Mattress.
Statistically, 50,000 Haitans won't get this.
Sickipedia: Supplying Zoo Magazine with jokes every week.
Pushed over a Muslim in a burka today, should have seen the look on her face.....
I love my wife, but not as much as I love lying.
The worst decision of all time was made by the person who showed the Indians how to use the telephone.
I live within a stones throw of my local police station..
Which is handy.
I like to imagine that complete strangers are in awe of my athletic prowess as I double up on the stairs in public.
If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.
Knicker sniffing is just a taste of things to come...
Just got my npower championship razor
Unfortunately it didn't come with any Blades
I wouldn't be caught dead marrying a woman old enough to be my wife.
"Rap" is to "music" as "Etch-A-Sketch" is to "fine art".
So Fifty-six percent of all women carry condoms. That must mean The other 44% carry babies.
As a child, I was forced to walk the plank.
We couldn't afford a dog.
Mixing cannabis with cod liver oil is bad for your joints.
Being unattractive is just playing the dating game on hard mode.
My little girl isn't obese..she's kidnap resistant.
Just a tax on hope.
Pyongyang - the only capital city that sounds like a ricochet sound effect from an old fashioned Western.
Whilst buying some nuts today I noticed the pack said "stachios"...
I thought... someone's taken the pis.
I was a whisker away from stealing an entire utensil set earlier.
I have four problems in life: counting, remembering and counting.
Moneywise im set for LIFE.
Provided I die next tuesday.
My friend was a pro at Russian Roulette- he only lost once.