One Liners Joke

A Mistress is what goes in between a Mister and a Mattress.

One Liners Joke

Statistically, 50,000 Haitans won't get this.

One Liners Joke

Sickipedia: Supplying Zoo Magazine with jokes every week.

One Liners Joke

Pushed over a Muslim in a burka today, should have seen the look on her face.....

One Liners Joke

I love my wife, but not as much as I love lying.

One Liners Joke

The worst decision of all time was made by the person who showed the Indians how to use the telephone.

One Liners Joke

I live within a stones throw of my local police station..
Which is handy.

One Liners Joke

I like to imagine that complete strangers are in awe of my athletic prowess as I double up on the stairs in public.

One Liners Joke

If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.

One Liners Joke

Knicker sniffing is just a taste of things to come...

One Liners Joke

Just got my npower championship razor
Unfortunately it didn't come with any Blades

One Liners Joke

I wouldn't be caught dead marrying a woman old enough to be my wife.

One Liners Joke

"Rap" is to "music" as "Etch-A-Sketch" is to "fine art".

One Liners Joke

So Fifty-six percent of all women carry condoms. That must mean The other 44% carry babies.

One Liners Joke

As a child, I was forced to walk the plank.
We couldn't afford a dog.

One Liners Joke

Mixing cannabis with cod liver oil is bad for your joints.

One Liners Joke

Being unattractive is just playing the dating game on hard mode.

One Liners Joke

My little girl isn't obese..she's kidnap resistant.

One Liners Joke

The Lottery.
Just a tax on hope.

One Liners Joke

Pyongyang - the only capital city that sounds like a ricochet sound effect from an old fashioned Western.

One Liners Joke

Whilst buying some nuts today I noticed the pack said "stachios"...
I thought... someone's taken the pis.

One Liners Joke

I was a whisker away from stealing an entire utensil set earlier.

One Liners Joke

I have four problems in life: counting, remembering and counting.

One Liners Joke

Moneywise im set for LIFE.
Provided I die next tuesday.

One Liners Joke

My friend was a pro at Russian Roulette- he only lost once.