One Liners Joke

We have so much in common. You want to travel . . . I want you to go . . .

One Liners Joke

'Lacism is long' said the Chinese man.

One Liners Joke

I just bought a 750ml bottle of Domestos lemon but it just tastes like normal Domestos to me

One Liners Joke

Surely, if you're an Iraqi, you've learnt not to do your shopping at the outdoor market by now?

One Liners Joke

Just been to Doncaster and seen a sign for EARTH CENTRE pointing left, surely it should have been pointing straight down?

One Liners Joke

My jokes are a lot like my internet browsing history. Disturbing, immature and often deleted before i can see them again

One Liners Joke

Just bought the "two minutes' silence" for 79p of iTunes. Bargain.

One Liners Joke

I took a woman back to mine last night.
She said, "I'm like a fine wine in bed. I've got better with age."
I said, "Well I'm like Jack Daniels."
She asked, "Aged 18?"
I said, "No. Good liquor"

One Liners Joke

My friends say I always contradict them, but I disagree.

One Liners Joke

If only society were separated like laundry...

One Liners Joke

DIY is for tools.

One Liners Joke

When I try to say something tongue-in-cheek, most people just think I have a speech impediment.

One Liners Joke

I'm so Indie I listen to music that doesn't exist!

One Liners Joke

Londonderry.
The only word with 6 silent letters.

One Liners Joke

Apathy went up by.....ah forget it.

One Liners Joke

I used go out with an anesthetist... she was a local girl.

One Liners Joke

To cut a long story short, use fewer words.

One Liners Joke

Eleventeen percent of people make up words.

One Liners Joke

If the Queen kills herself is it suicide or treason?

One Liners Joke

my husband wanted to make love to me whilst we were both covered in unrefined oil.
I thought it a bit crude.

One Liners Joke

My mate say he can get his dog to come on command.
I have to give mine a handjob.

One Liners Joke

Say NO to racism.
Or just dont get in the taxi in the first place.

One Liners Joke

I never really knew my mother, she left before I was born.

One Liners Joke

Dermatologists often make rash statements

One Liners Joke

Lost my job at the Vicks Vapour factory yesterday and everyone keeps rubbing it in.