I am a great inventor. Four years ago I created a machine that can roll 97 joints in 1.4 seconds. I haven't really done much since then to be honest.
"I hate people who follow trends" I said to my hair salon whilst having my hair dyed red.
If there's one thing I'm not good at it's rugby, cricket, tennis, and narrowing stuff down.
statistically, 1100001% of geeks understand binary.
I don't care what people say, I'm a terrible psychiatrist.
Has anyone else noticed the benefit of a coughing fit whilst taking a dump?
I bought some batteries the other day but they weren't included.
Bin men have got a rubbish job.
My first session with the Impatience Support Group is tonight........ I can't wait.
Just come back off holiday from Manama.
The weather was strange , we had sunshine, snow, frost, fog, and hailstones.
In fact we had everything Bahrain.
Now might be a good time to buy shares in Cash Converters.
Model trains make me Hornby.
Everyone who hates speeding tickets, raise your right foot.
There is a fine line between 'hobby' and 'mental illness'
Isn't it a coincidence that people run inside when there are black clouds?
Rock climbers need to get a grip and move on.
I met this anorexic girl with such a huge rack... Of ribs.
If partially sighted people want the right to drive combine harvesters, I'm not going to stand in their way.
Remember, ladies: mouthwash is still cheaper than an abortion.
I haven't made a prediction in my life and I never will.
Having just punched a midget selling watches, I know I've hit an all time low.
Thanks to Heroin I think I'm addicted to needles.
I'm more confused than predictive text on a dyslexics phone.
Maths, the only subject that counts.
I hate Americanization.