One Liners Joke

I am a great inventor. Four years ago I created a machine that can roll 97 joints in 1.4 seconds. I haven't really done much since then to be honest.

One Liners Joke

"I hate people who follow trends" I said to my hair salon whilst having my hair dyed red.

One Liners Joke

If there's one thing I'm not good at it's rugby, cricket, tennis, and narrowing stuff down.

One Liners Joke

statistically, 1100001% of geeks understand binary.

One Liners Joke

I don't care what people say, I'm a terrible psychiatrist.

One Liners Joke

Has anyone else noticed the benefit of a coughing fit whilst taking a dump?

One Liners Joke

I bought some batteries the other day but they weren't included.

One Liners Joke

Bin men have got a rubbish job.

One Liners Joke

My first session with the Impatience Support Group is tonight........ I can't wait.

One Liners Joke

Just come back off holiday from Manama.
The weather was strange , we had sunshine, snow, frost, fog, and hailstones.
In fact we had everything Bahrain.

One Liners Joke

Now might be a good time to buy shares in Cash Converters.

One Liners Joke

Model trains make me Hornby.

One Liners Joke

Everyone who hates speeding tickets, raise your right foot.

One Liners Joke

There is a fine line between 'hobby' and 'mental illness'

One Liners Joke

Isn't it a coincidence that people run inside when there are black clouds?

One Liners Joke

Rock climbers need to get a grip and move on.

One Liners Joke

I met this anorexic girl with such a huge rack... Of ribs.

One Liners Joke

If partially sighted people want the right to drive combine harvesters, I'm not going to stand in their way.

One Liners Joke

Remember, ladies: mouthwash is still cheaper than an abortion.

One Liners Joke

I haven't made a prediction in my life and I never will.

One Liners Joke

Having just punched a midget selling watches, I know I've hit an all time low.

One Liners Joke

Thanks to Heroin I think I'm addicted to needles.

One Liners Joke

I'm more confused than predictive text on a dyslexics phone.

One Liners Joke

Maths, the only subject that counts.

One Liners Joke

I hate Americanization.