One Liners Joke

My mother-in-law came over yesterday. I made sure I used bull's milk in her cup of tea.

One Liners Joke

You know you're bored when: It's 5.30 am and your sat in your boxers watching Countdown with anagrammer,com open :/

One Liners Joke

Chris brown had the right idea. Driving a lamborghini is awesome

One Liners Joke

I'm having some prosthetic toes fitted tomorrow.
New changes are afoot.

One Liners Joke

Marriage is about the most expensive way for the average man to get laundry done

One Liners Joke

Since when did bull faeces become so untrustworthy?

One Liners Joke

I've just sawn the legs off my bed. I need to lie low for a while.

One Liners Joke

Somebody needs to teach opportunity how to use a doorbell.

One Liners Joke

I was thinking of becoming a suicide bomber but they only did temp work.

One Liners Joke

Would the head of a midget crime gang still be known as Mr Big?

One Liners Joke

"I'm flying without wings."
So you're just walking then?

One Liners Joke

I was told that practise makes perfect, which is why I was never any good at anagrams

One Liners Joke

I became a member of the Secret Seven. It was so secret, I didn't know who the other six were.

One Liners Joke

I believe in honesty with my kids.
When they say "Daddy, what will I be when I grow up ?" I tell them "disappointed".

One Liners Joke

Hindsight is a wonderful thing, unless you're the back end of a pantomime horse.

One Liners Joke

I wanted to be a milkman, I just didn't have the bottle!!"

One Liners Joke

I'm standing up for my right to have disability benefits.

One Liners Joke

I don't get jokes about Botox, a bit high brow for me.

One Liners Joke

Glue. It's not to be sniffed at.

One Liners Joke

Microwave (noun): a gesture used by midgets and dwarves to express greetings, recognition or when departing.

One Liners Joke

Love can't be bought.
But you can rent it.

One Liners Joke

What's the difference between my wife and a corpse?
One's bloated and can often be found in a fridge..
And the other one's dead.

One Liners Joke

Due to the amount of complaints we have been receiving, jokes about handicap people have been disabled

One Liners Joke

I've given up trying to convince people that I'm not a quitter.

One Liners Joke

Why whenever I click my pen in Africa, do the locals think I'm talking to them?