Stupid Joke

I just bought something online that allows me to walk through walls.
A rocket launcher.

Stupid Joke

Why do so many thoughtless parents fail to give their children names?
Not only does it make life incredibly difficult for them, but it also means they are far more likely to die in accidents. I mean, how often do you hear on the news things like "A man, who has yet to be named, was found squashed to death by a train last night".
And, why do the police get the job, and why don't they do it when the person is alive... "Police have yet to name the young woman found strangled in her house this morning"
Is naming someone so hard?

Stupid Joke

My girlfriend has asked me to stop cutting my cocaine with cheddar.
She says that she's fed up with me always using cheesy lines to try to get her into bed.

Stupid Joke

So Primark were forced to remove their bikini for 7 year olds from sale, yet Tescos are still allowed to sell all those school uniforms.

Stupid Joke

BBC News: Wiliam Gibson says the future is right here, right now.
Mr. Gibson, that's what everyone else refers to as the present.

Stupid Joke

Just seen the article on BBC news:- "Dead baby found in London hotel".
I clicked on it, but the punchline was very long-winded and I didn't really get it.

Stupid Joke

I saw my mate in the pub earlier, He'd been in a fight and was bruised all over the place. I asked him if he was ok?
He replied ''Yeah but you should see the other guys fists''

Stupid Joke

I bought some paint that promised a shiny and glossy coat.
Turns out it doesn't work on dogs.

Stupid Joke

My Father died in a police cell. The police report said he tried to commit suicide and died of a brain haemorrhage.
They claimed he tried to hang himself with his braces and smashed his skull into the ceiling.

Stupid Joke

The wife said she wanted something with 'plenty of character' for her birthday
I gave her a Mr men DVD.

Stupid Joke

My dad always said to me, "If you're ever approached by a group of kids asking for your money, just punch the biggest one as hard as you can, the others will soon run off!"
I tried this today. It worked, but I was arrested.
Apparently the local scouts weren't trying to mug me.

Stupid Joke

Ever since buying a digital camera, I can only think of it's positive points.
There aren't any negatives.

Stupid Joke

What are the chances? Two poos' in a row where I haven't had to wipe!
Still, probably should have checked though...

Stupid Joke

Last night my girlfriend said, "Why do you always insist on rubbing me up the wrong way?"
I stopped sucking her knees, I took my fingers out of her mouth and said, "What are you talking about?"

Stupid Joke

I auditioned for the X- Factor this year and sang with my daughter.
Gary Barlow looked at me and said, "Are you having a laugh?"
I said, "No mate, why?"
He said, "Just put the baby down and use the microphone provided."

Stupid Joke

Online discussions?
I'm all forum.

Stupid Joke

There was a big fire at work today.
It was OK though. I opened the fire escape and it left.

Stupid Joke

I was in the pub last night and there was a clock sat at the bar having a drink.
He said he often comes in to unwind.

Stupid Joke

Even though I don't know my Father, I've always looked up to him...
He keeps climbing buildings in a superhero costume.

Stupid Joke

Question at the quiz last night: "What is the worlds smallest ocean?" our answer, "Billy".

Stupid Joke

I hate it when people post messages like, "This has been the worst day ever. I feel so lonely at the moment. I wish I was dead".
Now I don't even open letters from my Gran. They go straight in the bin.

Stupid Joke

I was the 6th horseman of the apocolypse, but I left before they became famous.

Stupid Joke

Doctor- im afraid were going to have to pull the plug on your son.
Mother- i thought you said he was perfectly healthy?
Doctor- Oh i did, but his bath is overflowing.

Stupid Joke

Does the queen just show a penny for ID?

Stupid Joke

What do you get when you cross a cow with a potato?
A leather jacket.