Wordplay Joke

A lot of people don't like JD Sports.
I find I'm much better at darts after a couple of whiskies

Wordplay Joke

An Invisible Magazine - Can't see that being an issue

Wordplay Joke

I picked up a 99p copy of Avatar the other day.
Compared to the 1080p version, the quality is atrocious.

Wordplay Joke

My mate text me saying he'd seen one of the characters from This Is England.
"Lol" I replied...
"No, it was Shaun" He sent back.

Wordplay Joke

When I broke up with my wife, I didn't want anything from her in the settlement except a pint of milk, four egg yolks, a vanilla pod, an ounce of caster sugar and two fluid ounces of single cream. She mixed it all up in a bowl and then threw it in my face.
On the plus side, I did get custardy.

Wordplay Joke

I had a dream about riding on a large female horse that was covered in armour.
I think it was a knight mare.

Wordplay Joke

Christ sake, it's Christmas.

Wordplay Joke

I said to my mate, "I had a dream last night and God showed me how to get to Heaven."
"Seriously?" he asked.
I said "Yeah, straight up."

Wordplay Joke

I put a bet on a horse today.
He gave me a good run for my money.

Wordplay Joke

I wanted to go out dressed as a waxing strip last night.
But I couldn't pull it off.

Wordplay Joke

I was thrown out of the Apple shop today, because I was Windows shopping

Wordplay Joke

Yahoo News: Paedophile ring trial: Five guilty
Turns out selling mine to cash for gold was a good move in more ways than one!

Wordplay Joke

The good thing about undercooking your microwave meal is that you'll always have plenty of seconds left.

Wordplay Joke

My YouTube channel about domestic violence is getting loads of hits.

Wordplay Joke

If it's not one female characteristic of a cow, it's an udder.

Wordplay Joke

I went to see my doctor with a bad cough today.
When I got there I gave him a packet of strepsils and told him to get well soon!

Wordplay Joke

The city of Siam is twinned with itself.

Wordplay Joke

Just seen a man wearing a grey shirt, grey trousers, grey socks and grey shoes holding a set of handcuffs...
He must have been a plain clothes police officer.

Wordplay Joke

Does anyone else ever have this irrational urge to blame everything on other people?
Or is it just you?

Wordplay Joke

I requested a 10 year old from a Roman paedophile ring, but they sent me a 20 year old.
I've been double crossed.

Wordplay Joke

I used to work in a factory making silica gel, but I had to quit my job as I found it too absorbing.

Wordplay Joke

The company I work for has announced a 57% pension reduction.
When I retire I get a biro.

Wordplay Joke

The pressure was really on in the pub quiz the other night. It fell to me to answer the tie-break question on behalf of my team.
''What does Quasimodo, the bell-ringer of Notre Dame, have on his back?''
I really wasn't sure, but I went with a hunch.

Wordplay Joke

What do you call a mermaid on the roof?
Aerial.

Wordplay Joke

Talk about windy.... I just went out on Brighton seafront and almost got blown off!