Wordplay Joke

I make a joke and everyone in Russia kicks off! I was only being tsarcastic.

Wordplay Joke

So after hitting the thousand-mile mark in the A4, one question sprung to mind..
How can a paper car be so reliable?

Wordplay Joke

Whenever people ask what I do for a living I always say I work for the United Nations.
Because thinking about it, I have been UN employed for a while now...

Wordplay Joke

I proposed to my girlfriend during an asphyxiation session, but she left me hanging.

Wordplay Joke

My Grandmother has got Alzheimers and when she wasn't looking today I put an acid tab in her drink and started talking about old times.
I thought I'd give her a trip down memory lane.

Wordplay Joke

January is such a long month.
So I've started using the abbreviation "Jan" instead..

Wordplay Joke

My mate said he would love to have Mark Wahlberg's arms so for his birthday I gave him Mark's adress and an axe.

Wordplay Joke

Did you hear about the Jewish suicide bomber?
He brew himself up.

Wordplay Joke

I haven't used my eBook reader for a while.
Maybe it's time to rekindle our relationship.

Wordplay Joke

I knew my job in the local butchers was coming to an end.
I could feel it in my bones.

Wordplay Joke

As soon as the wife put her foot through the door I knew it.
I should've gone with solid oak.

Wordplay Joke

As I was staring at myself in the mirror this morning ,
I thought I was seeing double , or was that just me ?

Wordplay Joke

I hate when Barry White comes to my dinner parties.
He really lowers the tone.

Wordplay Joke

My friends say I try too hard to keep up with the times.
It's not my fault the papergirl has a bike.

Wordplay Joke

My new novel, 'Arm down the U-bend', is riding high in this week's book charts.
May reach number two.

Wordplay Joke

My parents went to Southeast Asia and all I got was this Laosy t-shirt.

Wordplay Joke

As a kid I wanted to be a gingerbread man. But as I grew older I realised I wasn't cut out for it.

Wordplay Joke

I liked that film where angry football fans wear masks and go after the evil dictator. FIFA Vendetta.

Wordplay Joke

After abolition of the slave trade it meant that there was no more monkey buisnes.

Wordplay Joke

No matter which channel I switch to, the Swedish Chef is on all of them. I think my TV's borken.

Wordplay Joke

My Girlfriend left me because she thinks I have an obsession with windows,
I've never felt such emotional pane.

Wordplay Joke

I sometimes like to set up a mirror and watch my old home movies in it..
..and just reflect on my life.

Wordplay Joke

I'm the worst at hide and seek in the whole hospital.
I'm always found in the I.C.U.

Wordplay Joke

When I was young my best friend was a paper boy.
I was a very lonely child.

Wordplay Joke

I lost my job at the local garage checking tyres
I couldn't take the pressure.