Wordplay Joke

I asked a french bloke if he played video games.
He said Wii.

Wordplay Joke

Three Chinese brothers, Bu, Chu, and Fu, want to illegally live in America. The brothers decide to change their names to seem American. Bu changes his name to Buck. Chu changes his name to Chuck. And Fu got sent back to China.

Wordplay Joke

My Dad used to be pretty good at drawing.
He shot my Mum dead before she'd even noticed him reach for his pistol.

Wordplay Joke

If you like despair, you're one of two people:
A sixteen year old emo girl.
Or a Jamaican who likes this pear.

Wordplay Joke

I went to the museum to feed the animals
But they were all stuffed

Wordplay Joke

I wonder what turns Stephen Hawking on..

Wordplay Joke

I once had my ankles broken by a traveling magician.
He was a hard act to follow.

Wordplay Joke

I was in a restaurant the other day and I asked the waiter "What are the specials?" He said " An influential 2 Tone ska band from Coventry"

Wordplay Joke

Apparently going to a fancy dress party dressed as a cactus is not a legitimate reason for spiking people's drinks.

Wordplay Joke

A French man walks in to a chiropodists and says "I've got problems with defeat"

Wordplay Joke

Other people don't like me queue jumping. Especially when I use my motorbike.

Wordplay Joke

I went to a disabled athletics meeting last night and it was surprisingly good, especially the prosthetic foot 100 metre dash.
It was a really close run race that had to be decided with a faux toe finish.

Wordplay Joke

I've just bought a new fridge that chills to absolute zero.
How cool is that?

Wordplay Joke

Somebody told me that the most dangerous thing about my car is the nut behind the steering wheel.
What a load of rubbish.
I located and removed this nut, causing the steering wheel to come off as I pulled out of my drive.

Wordplay Joke

Latin name-Pollachius pollachius.
They can grow over a metre in length and weigh over 20k.g
From the 'demersal' group of fish, they are an important part of the North Atlantic fisheries.
Sorry about that, I keep talking Pollocks.

Wordplay Joke

My mum's got this weird fetish for sleeping with boxing gloves.
Her doctor thinks it's just the menopause setting in, but I just think she's going through a rocky patch.

Wordplay Joke

To be fair, it needs to stop raining.

Wordplay Joke

I got arrested the other day. I was walking down the street with a desk on my back and carrying a filing cabinet when a policeman asked what I was doing.
All I said was, "I'm impersonating an office, sir."
It didn't seem to go down well.

Wordplay Joke

I got into an argument with a bloke in a bar. I pulled a knife. He chatted up the fork.

Wordplay Joke

Me and the wife did one of them hot air balloon trips where you fly over your own house... when she she leaned over the edge for a better look I pushed her out. I could tell she wasn't happy. In fact, she hit the roof

Wordplay Joke

Alex Reid is in Katie Price's bad books.
He's done nothing wrong, she's just written two more autobiographies.

Wordplay Joke

Just starting my shopping in Tesco and asked the fat girl on the till if she could help me out.
"Which way did you come in," she said.

Wordplay Joke

Took my new Skoda back to the garage, and told the mechanic that I couldn't get past 71 up the steep hill opposite.
"Not bad for a Skoda," he replied.
"But I live at 95." I told him.

Wordplay Joke

I was starving last night, so I made some Indian salsa.
After his dance I made him get me a curry.

Wordplay Joke

Tink my postmn is a thif
My leters keep gong misin