Wordplay Joke

I accidentally ran over a cat today. It was okay but its tail had fallen off.
Luckily I took it to Tesco, Britain's biggest retailer.

Wordplay Joke

What do you call a Russian electrician?
Switchitonanov

Wordplay Joke

Snow White didn't achieve much in her life but she managed to turn one of the dwarves purple.
At least she dyed Happy.

Wordplay Joke

My wife has a fetish for the knights from Monty Python.
They make her go weak at the Ni's.

Wordplay Joke

I find it really hard to hold my beer, especially in the winter.
I think it's the mittens.

Wordplay Joke

What did the egg say to the boiling water?
"It may take a while for me to get hard, I got laid yesterday."

Wordplay Joke

A Rastafarian just gave me a haircut.
I look dreadful.

Wordplay Joke

I just witnessed a kidnapping.
So, when his mothers back was turned, I grabbed him.

Wordplay Joke

My fear of insomnia keeps me awake at night.

Wordplay Joke

Hooters should do a home delivery service and call it Knockers.

Wordplay Joke

Sarah Jessica Parker, Princess Anne, Camilla Parker Bowles and Leona Lewis are going to star in a show about rich, pampered women looking for love.
Desperate Horsewives.

Wordplay Joke

I was thinking of getting a tattoo on my palm
On the other hand I might not bother.

Wordplay Joke

I turned down a foursome with my girlfriend and her two mates this morning.
It's too cold to play golf until the spring for me.

Wordplay Joke

Mark Knopfler asked if I could look after his hens while he was away on tour.
He even said he'd pay me.
I just popped round every day and threw them a handful of corn.
It was money for nothing and I got some chicks for free.

Wordplay Joke

It's just been confirmed that Manchester United striker Danny Welbecks grandad was a bomb disposal expert in 2nd world war.
Stan Welbeck

Wordplay Joke

I went to the missing persons bureau,but there was no-one there.

Wordplay Joke

Breaking News: Ne ws

Wordplay Joke

'Ten clowns arrested in a raid at a circus.'
Police reported large pockets of resistance.

Wordplay Joke

My Korean friend died last week.
So Yung...

Wordplay Joke

He wears stockings, carries a knife and sneaks into little girls bedrooms.
I'm amazed Peter Pan has got away with it for as long as he has.

Wordplay Joke

I spent the whole of last night watching Desperate Housewives.
I set up a webcam at my wife's Ann Summers party.

Wordplay Joke

I found my perfect match today. Redhead, stick thin, well kept box, if a bit rough on the edges.
Seemed a shame to strike it.

Wordplay Joke

"I'm not a Racist. Some of my best friend is Black", claimed the Zebra.

Wordplay Joke

A man once offered me a thousand pounds to orally pleasure him.
A thousand pounds. Well, I had my chance and I blew it.

Wordplay Joke

My wife and I were having a little argument about what had happened during our recent holiday to Egypt.
I protested that I never went swimming.
She said I was in denial.