Wordplay Joke

I've invented a new hair dye range that is only available for people in supervisory positions.
It's called 'Just Foremen'.

Wordplay Joke

Trust me, if you want the birds to flock around you, screaming and begging you for what you have to offer...
Buy some chips at the sea-side.

Wordplay Joke

Coronation Streets Betty Driver Dies age 91...
Her 3 brothers Racing, Screw and Pile are said to be devastated.

Wordplay Joke

My mate dared me to kidnap all the X-Factor contestants.
I said I wouldn't take The Risk.

Wordplay Joke

OCD sufferers.
They need to sort it out.

Wordplay Joke

Getting hired as a designer for the "Bench & Chair" company wasn't easy.
But apparently they really enjoyed my stool sample.

Wordplay Joke

If I had a pound for everytime I didn't know what was happening, I'd be querying why people are giving me pounds.

Wordplay Joke

I lit the candles, poured some wine, and asked my girl, "Any chance you're up for some mutual masturbation?"
She replied, "Let's duet."

Wordplay Joke

My mates a Ski instructor....
He teaches people to eat yoghurts safely.

Wordplay Joke

I was doing one of those online quizzes to find out how dominant I am.
But I just couldn't Submit.

Wordplay Joke

I threw a set of industrial speakers at my dad's head once.
He looked tannoyed.

Wordplay Joke

I went to see my Grandma as a kid, and I always tell her: "Grandma, stop dressing up as a child."

Wordplay Joke

Why is it called Lubricant, surely it should be Lubrican.

Wordplay Joke

I saw this really cool caterpillar earlier so I decided to take it home.
The Mrs wasn't too happy about having a 45 ton digger on the drive though.

Wordplay Joke

I found myself in trouble earlier for posting racist jokes from my Macbook.
They aren't PC.

Wordplay Joke

board games...why do people engage in such trivial pursuits?

Wordplay Joke

I'm so skint, even my computer is low on cache.

Wordplay Joke

I'm writing a book about 'Allergies and Rashes'.
I've started from scratch.

Wordplay Joke

I caught the eye of this girl at the club.
I knew I shouldn't have worn my fishing hat.

Wordplay Joke

I'm not anti-lost, I'm just profound

Wordplay Joke

Body of Gareth Williams found in MI6 murder case.
Murder case? That's a bit of an extravagant term for a sports bag.

Wordplay Joke

I wouldn't dream of being an insomniac.

Wordplay Joke

Do I enjoy shopping in all these cheap foreign supermarkets?
Just a Lidl.

Wordplay Joke

There was a leaflet on contraception stapled to the middle of my newspaper today.
It was a pull-out special.

Wordplay Joke

I wanted to impress a girl so I offered to buy her shoes.
She said they weren't for sale.