Wordplay Joke

I've just written a joke on a message in a bottle and thrown it into the sea.
I hope somebody gets it.

Wordplay Joke

The wife asked me to sync her new iPhone earlier.........
It's been in the bath for 4 hours now and still nothing has happened!

Wordplay Joke

Giraffe walks into a bar.
"Sorry mate", said the barman, "We don't serve Heineken here."

Wordplay Joke

One of my spots exploded whilst I was in the chemist earlier.
Puss in Boots.

Wordplay Joke

When I was at school, I spent half my time scared of things like fractions.
Well, I say half my time.

Wordplay Joke

'The Government are urging obese people to eat less'
That'll be hard for them to swallow.
Unless it's hidden in a Cake.

Wordplay Joke

'Stacey Solomon' and 'Winter vomiting Bug' are currently trending on Yahoo.
I feel that 'Iceland' is the missing link.

Wordplay Joke

Prisoners with a stutter,
should be forced to do slightly longer sentences.

Wordplay Joke

Just ate a virtual pizza, Finished it in 4 Bytes.

Wordplay Joke

Sitting in the restaurant last night, I started having unsavoury thoughts as the waitress walked over to me in her short skirt and tight top.
Should I just skip my main and go straight to the sweet.

Wordplay Joke

What's long, hard and full of seamen?
A ship.
What's long, hard but not full of seamen?
An Italian ship.

Wordplay Joke

What single word can be a long sentence?
Prison

Wordplay Joke

Just went and checked my bank balance... Its not very good, I fell in the river

Wordplay Joke

I told my girlfriend I'm leaving her because she is a peasant.
It was a poor excuse.

Wordplay Joke

Javelins...
I dont trust them as far as i can throw them.

Wordplay Joke

"Black Is Beautiful"
well if that's the case I've just shat a masterpiece.

Wordplay Joke

I'm going out with a girl who makes adult movies for vegetarians.
She's a Quorn star.

Wordplay Joke

Why didn't the Indian boy go to school? He was Sikh.

Wordplay Joke

After spending all day watching the golf, I couldn't help but think "I need to get a better car"

Wordplay Joke

I've just read a brilliant book on domestic violence.
It'll take some beating.

Wordplay Joke

My girlfriend said that I needed to stop trying to make dramatic situations out of absolutely nothing.
Or Did She?

Wordplay Joke

An English golfer's mate is permanently banned from Royal St Georges after yesterday's ghostly clubhouse events. At one point staff said books and objects were flying at them from all sorts of mysterious angles.
In the end they found out it was an Ian Poulter's guest.

Wordplay Joke

I've had to cancel my new show featuring Eamonn Holmes and Dawn French
Apparently the name 'Teletubbies' is already in use.

Wordplay Joke

My beloved golden retriever died the other day, so I had him skinned and his hide turned into a cardigan.
Have to admit, it's rather fetching.

Wordplay Joke

I just got my results from my degree in micro phones.
I got a 1.2,1.2.