Wordplay Joke

I didn't think my mate would make me get up and paint my entire body with Tipp-Ex.
But he did. I stand corrected.

Wordplay Joke

What was the most debatable event at the London Olympics?
The Discuss

Wordplay Joke

I've recently been made redundant from my position as "Punch" on Brighton Pier.
It was the best hand job I've ever had.

Wordplay Joke

Come to Romania.......
It's a stones throw from Northern Ireland!

Wordplay Joke

At least ten people just knocked on my door trying to sell me a jet washer.
I can't deal with these high-pressure salesmen.

Wordplay Joke

I make decent money donating sperm. About fifty pounds a week, disposable in come.

Wordplay Joke

I hate people who repeat themselves. Those who say the same thing twice annoy me too.

Wordplay Joke

I hate people who repeat themselves. Those who say the same thing twice annoy me too.

Wordplay Joke

It doesn't matter what irrelevant means

Wordplay Joke

Hustlers.
Putting the 'con' into 'conspiracy'.
Putting the 'piracy' into it, as well.

Wordplay Joke

Just saw a link for a Free Ed Sheeran video. I didn't know he was in prison..

Wordplay Joke

What's Chewbacca's favourite website?
Wookiepedia.

Wordplay Joke

My mate is a wildlife photographer and he's been waiting weeks to film wildebeest arriving on their annual migration.
I phoned him yesterday. Still no gnu's.

Wordplay Joke

My HIV test results have come back, and they're positive. I'm negative.

Wordplay Joke

Looks like the days of good grammar is went.

Wordplay Joke

"Mum, can I have a kit kat?"
"Yes, as long as i can have a finger."
"ewww."

Wordplay Joke

Fingerprints?
I like his music, but i wouldn't go that far!

Wordplay Joke

Yesterday when I went to fill up my car with petrol I was surrounded by people filling up rusty old tin cans.
Or, as they should be called, second-hand Fiat Puntos.

Wordplay Joke

Why did the polish man cross the road?
Because the other side was dirty.

Wordplay Joke

If there's one thing I know, I really should learn more things.

Wordplay Joke

I'd been stalking this woman for six months when she went to the police, so last night I slipped her a canap laced with Rohypnol.
I bet she never thought I'd get in first with the restraining hors d'oeuvre.

Wordplay Joke

I finally managed to sell all my old super hero comics...
I feel marvel less.

Wordplay Joke

When I started school I knew I'd have to learn the three R's.
Romanian, Rwandan and Russian.

Wordplay Joke

I once had a job searching for gold, but it didn't pan out.

Wordplay Joke

Record wind speeds have been predicted across Europe, with gusts between 45 and 78RPM.