Wordplay Joke

On my first visit there, I didn't like Austria that much, until someone told me that Graz is greener on the other side.

Wordplay Joke

Dyson airblade, the future doesn't suck.
It blows

Wordplay Joke

Not looking forward to the next Spiderman film, apparently he's gone vegan and only fights animal cruelty.
Changed his name to PETA Parker.

Wordplay Joke

I'll never forget the day I won the World Memory Championships.

Wordplay Joke

Who is the biggest rapper in the world?
The Notorious B.F.G.

Wordplay Joke

Where do all the Ethiopians live in England?
Nuneaton

Wordplay Joke

I love showing my body off to people down the gym.
Everyone's jealous that I eat more than them.

Wordplay Joke

Bungee jumping; It's my biggest downfall

Wordplay Joke

I recently bought a little shop in Blackpool selling candy and sandwhiches.
I'm living my life on rock and roll.

Wordplay Joke

Just bought some vacant land. Not sure how much it is, but I know it's a lot

Wordplay Joke

"Swedish House Mafia to split"
Where am I going to buy my flat-pack furniture now?

Wordplay Joke

How do you make a Paddy field?
Take him off the batting team.

Wordplay Joke

Just eaten 9 'After Eight' mints, but so far nothing's happened.

Wordplay Joke

"You won't like me when I'm angry. I will stain your life forever."
The indelible hulk.

Wordplay Joke

I finally plucked up the courage and asked the fit bird, "I don't suppose you would be free at all this week?"
She insisted that it would still cost 80. an hour.

Wordplay Joke

The WWI drinking game wasn't much fun. Every time you saw a German, you took a shot.

Wordplay Joke

I'm starting my new job at Deed Poll next week.
I'm hoping to make a name for myself.

Wordplay Joke

I once spent a whole day making up Ancient Greek puns.
Troy story.

Wordplay Joke

My mate is trippin' on LSD.
I should probably move it off the floor.

Wordplay Joke

I watched a program about the mechanics of a sponge the other day.
It was absorbing.

Wordplay Joke

I was in the club last night when I saw the bouncer walk out the back door.
Well, to be fair it was causing some trouble...

Wordplay Joke

My mum never let me play with scissors when I was younger.
I could only use rock or paper.

Wordplay Joke

I'm starting a deforestation business but I need an American to come and work for me.
Sometimes when you're pulling down a tree you need a good yank.

Wordplay Joke

The doctor just told me that I'm partially deaf, which was difficult to hear.

Wordplay Joke

I was walking down the road with my work colleagues when a homeless guy came up to me and asked, "Can you spare some coppers?"
"Yes", I replied,"Arrest that smelly tramp".