Wordplay Joke

Greenfly have been at my tomatoes again.
It amazes me how they get the fridge door open.

Wordplay Joke

My cat ate a ball of wool the other day....
It went on to have mittens.

Wordplay Joke

I had some prawns the other day that disagreed with me.
To be honest, I really shouldn't have been talking to them anyway.

Wordplay Joke

I went for a meeting at the T-Mobile head office yesterday.
Unsurprisingly, it had no reception.

Wordplay Joke

Did you hear about the hyena who ate an oxo cube?
He made a laughing stock of himself.

Wordplay Joke

I noticed our local library didn't have a single fire extinguisher anywhere.
Which is mental considering they had several books on fire.

Wordplay Joke

I suppose I am a sore loser.
I lost trying to fend off a rapist.

Wordplay Joke

I was just driving past Glasgow when I saw a sign saying 'Steel Works'.
Course it does, we've been using it for 4000 years.
Stupid Jocks.

Wordplay Joke

I think I've just created antimatter.
But now I don't really feel it's important.

Wordplay Joke

Someone told me if you smack a fish before frying it, the meat will taste fresher.
What a load of codswallop.

Wordplay Joke

What do you call a woman who drives an ambulance?
Nina.

Wordplay Joke

I can't sleep much lately. I have to lie on the edge of the bed, that way I soon drop off.

Wordplay Joke

Just got to work and it turns out it's Jeans for Genes day. There's posters of disabled children all around the office.
Can't believe it, I've come in my trousers.

Wordplay Joke

I read an excellent article about a new film on ways of making cars more aerodynamic. I warn you though, it contains spoilers.

Wordplay Joke

I was in the library when my mate sent me the funniest joke by text.
So I replied, 'los'

Wordplay Joke

The wife says I should stop inserting Bruce Willis films into sentences
Old habits die hard.

Wordplay Joke

There's now an AA for midget alcoholics.
It's called aa.

Wordplay Joke

BBC News : Boss 'took escorts to meetings'
You would have thought he would be able to afford better cars, being the boss.

Wordplay Joke

A backwards poet writes inverse.

Wordplay Joke

"Sherlock Holmes, from which schools are you getting these young children to have your wicked way with?"
"Elementary, my dear Watson".

Wordplay Joke

Can someone tell me where you get a 1080p TV from? Even in Aldi they are more than double that round here.

Wordplay Joke

Why are doctors sometimes referred to as HeBas?
Because if they can't Helium, they have to Barium

Wordplay Joke

I can agree with limited edition on the unreliability of Bonnie Tyler's eBay items.
I bought her Sat Nav and it just keep telling me to "turn around, bright eyes".

Wordplay Joke

I went to a restaurant, and really could have eaten a horse.
But I stopped after the mane.

Wordplay Joke

They say you should find a girl who's 1/1000000, I'd much rather wait for one who's at least 7/10 though...