Wordplay Joke

Was nice to see Glee on X Factor playing a selection of their greatest hit.

Wordplay Joke

I hate it when people use big words to make themselves sound more intelligent, I'm just of the persuasion it's exorbitantly egregious.

Wordplay Joke

I'm taking part in an amateur unicycle event next week.
I'm gonna need support.

Wordplay Joke

Chris bates now knows how my wife feels.... Beaten by Stella

Wordplay Joke

A decent philosopher never sits down.
Stands to reason.

Wordplay Joke

I was holding a bacon sandwich in each hand when i suddenly realised "I'm hambidextrous".

Wordplay Joke

Archaeologists have just discovered part of, what is believed to be, a door in Wiltshire.
It's a stone hinge.

Wordplay Joke

My wife said that I was too impulsive and that I should think twice before doing anything. At first I agreed with her, but now, on second thoughts.....

Wordplay Joke

I've penned a few great novels in my time.
For which the library fined me heavily.

Wordplay Joke

A man walks in to a bakery and asks for a book on wrong places..

Wordplay Joke

BBC News: Huge rocket flies from California
Wonder if you can keep them as pets?

Wordplay Joke

Ever since I tried to clog a hole in my boat with my tongue, I've been thinking...

Wordplay Joke

I've just sent someone an email to tell them they will be out of a job in 12 months, and I don't feel guilty at all.
It read: Dear Mr Cameron........

Wordplay Joke

Just read a great book 'How to improve your hearing' by Alison Hard.

Wordplay Joke

When I was young I had a fear of high fences.
It's something I never got over.

Wordplay Joke

I was cooking earlier with a 'family size' jar of pasta sauce.
Must have been a small family.

Wordplay Joke

I was with my wife and a few friends before her big charity event today, and everyone was feeling quite nervous.
I said, "You could cut the tension with a knife!"
She freaked out and decided not to do the bungee jump.

Wordplay Joke

Since I've been in a wheelchair I just sit at the top of the stairs while my daughter throws food up...
She's bulimic.

Wordplay Joke

A plane carrying two football teams has caught fire in mid-air.
Every player on board has been forced to jump out without a parachute.
It's a Catch 22 situation.

Wordplay Joke

Goodbye Mr Brown.
You were in there too long, and it was a struggle to get you out.
I said, whilst flushing the toilet.

Wordplay Joke

My son came to ask me for tips on making double entendres...
I'm so proud, I must be rubbing off on him.

Wordplay Joke

My mate said I did the best impression of a leaf he'd ever seen.
I was blown away.

Wordplay Joke

What size wood did Noah make the Ark from?
Two by two.

Wordplay Joke

How ironic that the starving little African kid on Soccer Aid is called Marvin

Wordplay Joke

my wife wants me to stop beating her
i beat her all the time, in the living room, in the bedroom and everywhere
i beat her so harshly she starts crying
she is a sore looser at snakes and ladders