Wordplay Joke

I'm going out with a surgeon.
She doesn't half scrub up well.

Wordplay Joke

I went to see the doctor the other day.
As expected, he was still there.

Wordplay Joke

I've just invented a liquid that will burn through anything.
I can't find anything to keep it in.

Wordplay Joke

I got punched yesterday.
It was the longest word on the scrabble board.

Wordplay Joke

If a group of people hold a demonstration against the trial use of drugs on animals, are they protesting?

Wordplay Joke

Just opened a clothes shop with the lowest prices around.
I've been thanked by a few midgets for putting the cost signs on the floor.

Wordplay Joke

Don't bother checking 'Zelda's strap-on adventure' on the Internet.
The Link's broken.

Wordplay Joke

BBC News: Obama To Improve Muslim Ties.
Is he going to shine their shoes for them too?

Wordplay Joke

I've named my daughter Semitism so that when my son has a kid, she'll be known as
Auntie-Semitism.

Wordplay Joke

My wife's just bought me a new jersey.
I look a right state.

Wordplay Joke

I went to a car boot sale this morning.
I don't know why, I've got a hatch-back.

Wordplay Joke

I keep lying awake at night wondering which hairstyle to have done.
So many permutations.

Wordplay Joke

I used the cheesiest chat-up line on a girl the other day. "You can sample some of my fromage"

Wordplay Joke

I can't remember the name of those cheesey crisps in a blue bag..... Wotsit called?

Wordplay Joke

What is the difference between a rock concert held on the grave of Oscar Wilde and Terry Wogan's toupee?
One is a gig on a wit...

Wordplay Joke

Homeopathy. nothing works as well.

Wordplay Joke

That wheelchair man, Jodi McIntyre seemed so innocent, you have to ask yourself why he was there in the middle of student riots in the first place?
I say someone had to have pushed him into it.

Wordplay Joke

I've got the wife's Christmas present from that Amazon place
Its a crocodile

Wordplay Joke

My doctor told me I need to seriously stop eating junk food, starting with the half-eaten apple I just fished from his office bin.

Wordplay Joke

BBC News: Stormot to hold NI abuse enquiry
The famous Knights are still said to be in shock from the ordeal.

Wordplay Joke

I would join the Church of England but I'm worried that it's too dangerous.
I've heard that they have a lot of casual teas.

Wordplay Joke

For Xmas, I've bought my wife a large Tub of Unibond Silicone from B&Q and cleverly disguised it in a Amazon Eucaplyptus Lily plant. She's gonna be thrilled!
She's be asking all year for some Silicone in plants.

Wordplay Joke

I can't stand when people call me names.
John or Eric would've been fine but my parents thought they were funny.

Wordplay Joke

Sadly my new book on depression didn't do so well.

Wordplay Joke

Due to various disabilities I can only smell and touch.
That's my two sense worth.