Wordplay Joke

Every 15 minutes, I have to put pepper spray in my eyes whilst listening to thumping house tunes.
I'm totally addicted to mace.

Wordplay Joke

I don't know why I bother listening to all these pirate radio stations.
I can't understand a word of Somali.

Wordplay Joke

What's the square root of 69?
Ate something.

Wordplay Joke

I bought two herb propagators, but one of them's broke.
The Sage one's fine, but the Basil's faulty.

Wordplay Joke

My wifes been cooking for just over an hour now.
It serves her right for marrying an cannibal.

Wordplay Joke

Why was six afraid of seven?
Because seven was a registered six offender.

Wordplay Joke

Yahoo News: "Egyptians vote in run-off"
That'll be even funnier than when people walk like an Egyptian.

Wordplay Joke

As the rollercoaster began to climb, my girlfriend said, "When we go over the top, you have to put your hands in the air and go weeee".
The people behind us got more than they bargained for.

Wordplay Joke

My girlfriend is extremely eye-catching.
I wish she would wear a prosthetic hand rather than her hook.

Wordplay Joke

I tried to catch the train today for the first time in years, but I missed it.
Times have changed

Wordplay Joke

I am always much happier when I am on the dole.
Tesco's own pineapple chunks just aren't the same.

Wordplay Joke

I'm sick of typing LOL I wish it had an abbreviation.

Wordplay Joke

I like to tell my girlfriend she's humorous. Its not that shes funny, just she's a good bone

Wordplay Joke

I got joggers nipple today.
She ran away before I could bite the other one off though.

Wordplay Joke

A man walks into the library and asks if they have an unpopular work on Chinese Communism.
The librarian says, "What, a little read book?"

Wordplay Joke

Puppet theft is starting to get out of hand.

Wordplay Joke

I took a strange green pill last night that made me walk aimlessly for six hours.
Apparently it's the new wander drug.

Wordplay Joke

Someone is having a BBQ 1760 yards from me,
I can smell it a mile off.

Wordplay Joke

My wife supports me in everything I do.
I'm usually too drunk to stand up on my own.

Wordplay Joke

I witnessed a robbery at my local Locksmith the other day.
I got told i was a key robbery witness.

Wordplay Joke

I had to give up my job as a miner.
Everytime I was down the pit I felt light-headed.

Wordplay Joke

PG movies are overrated.

Wordplay Joke

My doctor just told me I've got one of the strongest digestive systems in the world.
Well, I'll eat my hat.

Wordplay Joke

My little boy knows all his numbers from 1 to 9 but he's never heard of zero.
They don't teach them nothing at school these days.

Wordplay Joke

I got jumped by a bunch of kids last night.
You've got to admire their dedication to leap frog.