Wordplay Joke

I like my women the way I like my math.
At primary school level.

Wordplay Joke

I just seen a 12 year old girl riding a mental patient to school.
It was virgin on the insane.

Wordplay Joke

I didn't know how to spell 'plagiarised' so I copied and pasted it.

Wordplay Joke

Erectile dysfunction; just when you thought it couldn't get any harder.

Wordplay Joke

The doctor asked me if I ever got lonely, I said "No, don't be silly"
After that I got bored playing hospital, and put my dolls away...

Wordplay Joke

I was going to crack another joke about the Periodic Table.
I then decided I didn't want to make a Copper, Neutronium of myself...

Wordplay Joke

What's the best way to gut a fish?
Kill its family.

Wordplay Joke

Jill broke her finger today.
But on the other hand she was completely fine.

Wordplay Joke

Dear diary: Two days ago I finally succeeded in my lifes only ambition of climbing Mount Everest,
it's been pretty much all downhill since then.

Wordplay Joke

I miss the days when pop songs were about weasels.

Wordplay Joke

I woke up this morning and it looked good out.....
......so i left it out

Wordplay Joke

My missus is always doing things to cheer me up. I got diagnosed with IBS earlier this week and she bought me The Simpsons trading card game.
I have nearly all of them but I need Apu.

Wordplay Joke

My wife said my driving was like Mark Webber's.
I nearly flipped.

Wordplay Joke

I hate being a brunette.
It's just not fair.

Wordplay Joke

As a child, I had an obsession with posh spice.
It cost my mum a fortune in saffron.

Wordplay Joke

I don't trust carpenters, they're a crafty bunch.

Wordplay Joke

I'd heard that Calvin Klein is bringing out a new fragrance...
But it was just aroma.

Wordplay Joke

Jokes on Sickipedia are a lot like children.
If you have stolen them, chances are...... they will also get buried.

Wordplay Joke

I told my girlfriend that I'd been a professional body builder for the last 10 years.
She said "Really, you don't look very strong".
I replied "You don't have to be to reconstruct accident victims at the mortuary".

Wordplay Joke

I thought I'd found the perfect website to help me overcome my fear of flying until it crashed.

Wordplay Joke

How does the barber cut the moon's hair?
Eclipse it.

Wordplay Joke

I have an Eskimo fetish, but most people just aren't that Inuit.

Wordplay Joke

Nine of my mums sisters have been standing outside Miss Selfridges all night holding candles.
You can't beat vigil aunties.

Wordplay Joke

I toss and turn for hours on end until I realize that making a salad isn't going to relax me.

Wordplay Joke

I went to a charity darts match last night, Heather Mills v Jake The Peg.
Heather lost by three legs to one.