Wordplay Joke

What's a necrophile's favourite band?
Coldplay.

Wordplay Joke

BBC News - "Greece not looking for bailout". Good...
...I don't want my taxes spent on a musical that's clearly had its day.

Wordplay Joke

I was going to make a joke and jump on the whole Raoul bandwagon,
but I wasn't moativated

Wordplay Joke

I love my fingers...
...I always know i can count on them.

Wordplay Joke

Was skidding all over the place today.....
Should've probably wiped more than once!

Wordplay Joke

The other day I drove past a group of AC Milan fans.
Then I came to the Intersection

Wordplay Joke

I almost died today when a box full of old photos fell on me from the top shelf.
My whole life flashed before my eyes.

Wordplay Joke

Knickers aren't the best thing in the world.
But they are next to the best thing in the world.

Wordplay Joke

I've lost the plot,
I keep ripping out pages from my novel.

Wordplay Joke

"Over 90 Killed in Turkey Earthquake"
Well at least he had lived a long life.

Wordplay Joke

My wife told me she is going to leave me because I'm emotionless.
K.

Wordplay Joke

I was tapping some quavers on the piano earlier and I thought, "I wish I'd have bought Monster Munch instead."

Wordplay Joke

At school I used to play the triangle.
Our school plays weren't very good.

Wordplay Joke

Wouldn't it have been funny, if Whoopi Goldberg had married Peter Cushing?

Wordplay Joke

As a practical joke at work, I was covered in Tip-Ex and my chair had been stolen. I accused my boss but it wasn't him.
I stand corrected.

Wordplay Joke

So, Shania Twain has the perfect face?
That don't impress me much.

Wordplay Joke

Flies spread disease.
So keep yours zipped up.

Wordplay Joke

I don't know why the word "purposeless" is in the English language.
My dictionary says it has no meaning.

Wordplay Joke

I walked up to this woman and said, "Diane."
She replied, "My name's Ann."
I said, "I know, I just don't like you very much."

Wordplay Joke

My son isn't going to school today because of the striking
We're going to let his bruises fade a bit first

Wordplay Joke

5 star hotel room with king size bed.
'Check'
Champagne on ice for two.
'Check'
Gorgeous woman to complete the evening...
Made me pay in cash.

Wordplay Joke

According to published reports, immediately following the Tsunami in January of 2005, all of the sharks in the Indian Ocean came down with a terrible case of diarrhoea.
You try eating Thai for a whole week!

Wordplay Joke

Got fingered by two kids today for a change.
Pity it was in a police lineup.

Wordplay Joke

Every week I donate my sperm to the bank.
I'm not sure whether the cashier appreciates it though.

Wordplay Joke

Our fuse box blew yesterday so my missus waited in for the guy to come and fix it.
Its all working now she said, when she phoned me. Ian did great job.
Ian? I said His names Jim.
Well thats funny, she replied, it said ELECTRIC IAN on his van.