Wordplay Joke

My dad built me a television out of wood,
It works ok but the picture is a bit grainy.

Wordplay Joke

I was just chopping a tree up and thought to myself:
"Why is there no gravity in this forest?"

Wordplay Joke

My wife handed me the iron earlier. . .
Lucky for her we were on a golfcourse.

Wordplay Joke

I miss my old job at Burger King quite a lot.
I still phone in sick everyday though.

Wordplay Joke

"What is the date?" a man asked me today. Something very similar to a prune I said.

Wordplay Joke

My daughter went to university to study ballet.
She didn't do very well though - she got a tutu.

Wordplay Joke

I was staring at a woman naked with binoculars.
I said, "What are you looking at?"
She said, "Why are you naked?"

Wordplay Joke

I was carving my Sunday dinner when I thought:
"Surely there is a better way to eat soup."

Wordplay Joke

Today at my new job they asked for my bank details
So I said "OK, it's square, blue, there is a cashier called Lisa with green highlights in her hair, and the front door gets stuck sometimes"

Wordplay Joke

Me and the wife's honeymoon got off to a rocky start.
I couldn't help it because I've always been a huge Sylvester Stallone fan.

Wordplay Joke

My wife just had our first baby. I walked into the delivery room, looked down upon his little brown, distinct eyes so similar that I knew he was mine.
And his little black face that made me doubt it...

Wordplay Joke

I don't like it when homeless people get sunburnt.
Because if there's one thing I hate it's a sore loser.

Wordplay Joke

I don't have anything against womens football.
I just think the men are in a different league.

Wordplay Joke

Watched a DVD today and at the start it stated "It is illegal to copy this film".
I wasn't actually planning on putting on a cape and dishing out vigilante justice after watching Superman.

Wordplay Joke

If I had a pound for every man my girlfriend has slept with; I'd be a pimp.

Wordplay Joke

BBC NEWS: Mime Killing Spree Ends In Suicide - "He was a quiet man," neighbours say.

Wordplay Joke

I've been researching my Ancestory and I've discovered that my Family made money from Wool.
It didn't do them any good though. None of the shops would accept it.

Wordplay Joke

I was driving past The Hawthorns earlier when I noticed a sign saying "Conference Facilities Here".
Somebody really should tell West Brom that it's called the Blue Square Premier Division these days.

Wordplay Joke

"He escaped death by centimetres."
I didn't know metric conversion was so dangerous.

Wordplay Joke

My boss just shot down My latest Invention and fired Me.
All I proposed was an extra-strength toenail emery board called the Pedi-File?

Wordplay Joke

I fix cattle grids for a living. It's a grate job.

Wordplay Joke

Nice to see that the Liverpool fans have started a collection to buy something for the newly born child of their Brazillian midfielder.
They've called it Lucas Aid

Wordplay Joke

Newsflash : disney have sacked Donald Duck for selling Quack to kids

Wordplay Joke

I'm not fussed about apathy.

Wordplay Joke

I thought students are supposed to be tight for cash but my dad has just told me that he saw some tipping a police van .
I don't even tip a taxi .