Wordplay Joke

When it comes to HIV, there is no positive news.

Wordplay Joke

Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's wifi.

Wordplay Joke

News: Man critical after shooting
He says he shouldn't have done it.

Wordplay Joke

I am going to sneak into NASA, steal a rocket and fly to mars.
Nothing can go wrong, i'm going to planet.

Wordplay Joke

Have you seen the new Twitter page for the National Stalking Clinic?
I followed them.

Wordplay Joke

I hold my cup like a mug.

Wordplay Joke

Why should you never say boo to a meringue?
Because it will eventually come back and hit you in the face.

Wordplay Joke

Just had an email saying 'Time Travel meeting tonight. Starts 1930.'

Wordplay Joke

Clearasil soon regretted moving their factory to London when Hackney disappeared overnight.

Wordplay Joke

I've just spent 15,000 on hiring a contract killer.
It's cheaper than paying the early release fee from Vodafone.

Wordplay Joke

My friend keeps on telling me about the time I glued his hand to a dart.
I said to him, "You can never let it go, can you."

Wordplay Joke

"Mate, can you come over here and help me do the barbie?"
Said Ken.

Wordplay Joke

I've just heard that The clock tower containing Big Ben at the Palace of Westminster, is tilting...
It's suprising, I always thought that tower had time on it's side.

Wordplay Joke

I was about to go on stage and deliver the biggest speech of my career, to help with the nerves I decided to take on the advice that a friend gave me the day before.
"Picture everyone in the crowd naked"
I didn't last 5 minutes as a primary school head master.

Wordplay Joke

Everyone throughout my whole life has called me special. My friends, my family.
If only my mum had a good sense in choosing names.

Wordplay Joke

"I need to go and see a psychiatrist" I said
"Why, what's wrong with you?"
"I think i'm going mad, and losing my sanity."
"I wouldn't worry about it" replied my dog.

Wordplay Joke

The second r in the word 'records' is the second r since records began.

Wordplay Joke

I've just been on an etiquette course run by Aerosmith.
They told me to walk this way, talk this way.

Wordplay Joke

ILLEGAL: a sick bird of prey.....

Wordplay Joke

Photogenic people should be shot.

Wordplay Joke

Was in work the other day and some guy came in, pale, skinny withering hair. He had AIDS written all over him.
Strange choice of tattoo I thought.

Wordplay Joke

I walked past 5 black men today playing the guitar, singing and wearing skinny jeans. It was Cameroon 5

Wordplay Joke

On a scale of Juan to Chen who do you hate most Spanish or Chinese people?

Wordplay Joke

I've just booked the lowest price bus journey to Italy you'll ever see
Arriva dirt cheap

Wordplay Joke

Why were 3 Asian university students recently arrested?
For running a math lab.