Wordplay Joke

My teacher wasn't surprised that I did well in the recent test on "What to do when you see money on the floor".
He said he knew I'd pick it up quickly.

Wordplay Joke

A mate of mine was killed in a freak accident after tripping over a jigsaw.
The cause of death is unconfirmed as police are still piecing together the evidence.

Wordplay Joke

After spending hours looking through my drawers, I've finally found a pair of socks that don't have holes in.
Now that's sorted, I've just got to find a way to get them on.

Wordplay Joke

My wife and I were flying home from our holiday when she whispered in my ear `Come on big boy make me sore`.So i threw her out at 20,000 feet.

Wordplay Joke

I used to work for KP as a delivery man.
My truck was persistently breaking down.
It drove me nuts.

Wordplay Joke

Energy efficient windows, No pane, No gain.

Wordplay Joke

I've been going to the gym for the past two weeks and i've managed to lose about ten pounds.
There's a wishing well outside.

Wordplay Joke

My mate tried to convince me to go dressed as a shoe at a fancy dress party.
But I told him that I wouldn't be suede.

Wordplay Joke

My mates just phoned to say his daughter has swallowed the mouth organ I bought for her birthday. Aah Monica, I'm sorry.

Wordplay Joke

My brother and I were seeing all these Pope jokes come up and wondered how many more months they would drag on for.
He suddenly shouted - "Let's have a sweepstake".
I replied "Its not the time to be thinking of eating Sooty's friend".

Wordplay Joke

I just told a joke about eating dry crackers.
Didnt go down too well...

Wordplay Joke

I was in hospital with a depressed skull fracture.
I wasn't very happy about it.

Wordplay Joke

Tinnitus sufferers - stop whining.

Wordplay Joke

My fat wife has recently started a new exercise routine.
She's doing 20 Crunchies a day.

Wordplay Joke

BBC news: England team given Delhi go-ahead
Thats nice, feeding them.

Wordplay Joke

Spanish schizophrenics are Juan and the same.

Wordplay Joke

I pulled 10 women last night.
Tug of war champion.

Wordplay Joke

A vertically challenged, mixed heritage hermaphrodite was recently diagnosed with schizophrenia..
It's political correctness gone mad..

Wordplay Joke

You may have wondered why 'period' and 'full stop' mean the same thing.
If so, try going down on your girlfriend at the wrong time of the month.

Wordplay Joke

I'll never forget my mate's words to me just before he snuffed it..
"do you think it will make me sneeze?"

Wordplay Joke

I just clicked on a URL, but the computer went mad and sprayed me with deodorant.
I hate hyper Lynx.

Wordplay Joke

I caught my parrot drinking Dettol.
I took him to the vet but he gave him a clean bill of health.

Wordplay Joke

Electrical impulses.
They really get on my nerves..

Wordplay Joke

So there was this breeze going all the way across the Atlantic.
Ah, forget it. My jokes are always too long-winded.

Wordplay Joke

I've just bet my brother a tenner that I can cross from one side of the river Thames to the other stood in a small boat using only a long stick to propel myself.
It's worth a punt.