Wordplay Joke

Me and my mates are in a band called Duvet.
We're a cover band.

Wordplay Joke

I was clinging for dear life to the face of the cliff.
As the rescue team approached one of the guys shouted "Whatever you do, don't look down".
So I started smiling.

Wordplay Joke

Me and my brother were both born with no hands.
I know exactly how he feels.

Wordplay Joke

My daughter was running a temperature so I rang the doctor. He asked was she hot.
I said, "Well, with a little make-up..."

Wordplay Joke

My mate asked me: "What is the shortest race in the Olympics?"
After thinking for a few minutes, I came up with an answer:
"Chinese," I replied.

Wordplay Joke

I beat my Mum up this morning.
She got up at 7.30, I was up at 7.

Wordplay Joke

I saw a guy stacking shelves at Tesco complaining because the top shelf was broken, and he couldn't keep it up.
I think he had a wrecked aisle dysfunction.

Wordplay Joke

Greece.
You will get your weather back when you have paid the bills.

Wordplay Joke

Sadly, even after years of meditation in a Tibetan monastery, Wally never managed to find himself.

Wordplay Joke

Scousers take everything seriously.
No seriously, they take everything.

Wordplay Joke

I made a Staggering discovery the other day.
You get home from the pub a lot slower that way.

Wordplay Joke

Well, I'm glad someone has finally brought up this Kony business... Him and his brother Hamsung have been getting away with selling knock-off TVs for years now...

Wordplay Joke

siyoung91 wrote:
This Thursday on BBC2:
Wonderland: Can We Get Married?
"Emma and Ben are 28 and have been together for 6 years. They're thinking of getting married but both have Down's syndrome. Will marriage be everything they've dreamed of?"
____________________________________
No because two mongs don't make a right.

Wordplay Joke

Did you here about the Taxidermist who was mugged?
He fought off his attacker with his bear hands.

Wordplay Joke

I was in a nightclub queue when two blokes in front of me started arguing.
One guy pushed the other and said, "Four, nine."
The other man pushed him back and said, "Sixteen, twenty-five."
A bouncer reached for his walkie-talkie and said, "I need some help at the door. We've got a couple of men squaring up."

Wordplay Joke

After realising that I had accidentally eaten my clone, I shat myself.

Wordplay Joke

Check this one out:
1.

Wordplay Joke

Some say a world without sin is ideal, but I disagree. After all, there's only so many problems which can be answered with cos and tan.

Wordplay Joke

I've just been diagnosed with a tumour. I was horrified at first, but it's starting to grow on me.

Wordplay Joke

The worst pub I've ever been to was called The Fiddle.
It really was a vile inn.

Wordplay Joke

The kitchen staff really helps my wife get the cooking done quicker.
I say staff... but really it's just a big stick I use to beat her with.

Wordplay Joke

If you're always organizing things, you have OCD. If you're always eating things, you have OBCD.

Wordplay Joke

I just want to thank the girl who ran with me for the last few kilometres of the Great Manchester Run yesterday, not wearing a sports bra. Your lack of support got me through.

Wordplay Joke

My girlfriend broke up with me yesterday because of my obsession.
She said, "I'm sick of it. You actually believe that you're a Transformer. It's stupid. I've had enough and I'm leaving you."
I said, "But, Baby, I can change."
She said, "There you go again!"

Wordplay Joke

My best mate is called Tiba.
Sometimes, I think he's a bit backwards.