Wordplay Joke

Did you hear about the cannibalistic dwarf ?
He loved to Munchkin.

Wordplay Joke

We fear change.
Thats why we tell barstaff to keep it.

Wordplay Joke

i don't know how any of them at the paralympics plan on winning, every time i see them they're legless

Wordplay Joke

I once had a crystal meth lab.
It was a nightmare taking him for walkies.

Wordplay Joke

The Labour party must have sold a lot of houses recently,
Last week they had loads for sale, but this week, all the signs have disappeared...

Wordplay Joke

Ah love.... it comes in spurts.

Wordplay Joke

After chopping off my taller rivals feet in a revenge attack, we're now level.

Wordplay Joke

I stood up and said, "I bid you adieu"
The auctioneer said, "It's money or nothing, pal"

Wordplay Joke

BBC NEWS: Ex-player Parks at top of Everest.
Obviously played for a ladies team.

Wordplay Joke

If anyone tells you that they stand up while masterbating,
chances are they're actually lying.

Wordplay Joke

Two wrongs never make a right,
unless its a double negative.

Wordplay Joke

My friend just gave me a dead leg. I'm going to bury it in the garden and ask no further questions.

Wordplay Joke

Last night me and my mates got drunk at the top of a bungee jumping platform,
Today we all had a horrible hangover.

Wordplay Joke

I got my granny new footwear to wear around the house, made entirely from the wool of mother ewes.
They're freudian slippers.

Wordplay Joke

I always carry a rubber in my wallet just incase.
So far it's never been used my spelling is pretty good!

Wordplay Joke

BBC Sport News: Republic skipper Robbie Keane became the first Irish or British player to reach 50 goals with his opening strike against Macedonia.
I know FIFA is undergoing some change at the moment, but 50 goals with 1 strike is a little too far.

Wordplay Joke

My mate is an astronaut, he used to look down on me.
He's now thankfully been brought down to earth.

Wordplay Joke

My friend asked me what I thought was the best way to pick up chicks.
I suggested a hand beneath their webbed feet and one behind their back for support.
NB Chicks don't have webbed feet; they're not water foul

Wordplay Joke

What's the point in pin the tail to the donkey?
The sharp bit.

Wordplay Joke

I was on an expedition in the Amazon last week and I came across a bizarre tribe hopping around a circuit with their wife on their back and a chicken on their head.
I think I've discovered a new race.

Wordplay Joke

I sacked my midget gardener yesterday for being insulting towards me.
He was always having a little dig.

Wordplay Joke

Christian electrician has won his fight to keep cross in van.
Shouldn't he just forgive?

Wordplay Joke

My girlfriend said she's going to leave me if I don't start facing up to the fact that I can't actually speak French and should stop using bits of it in conversation. Je know she's just jealous...

Wordplay Joke

I joined the Skydiving Club the other day.
But when I said, "I'll be too scared to jump," they threw me out.

Wordplay Joke

A man dressed as a jelly baby brought me my news paper in hospital today.
He must have been the delivery sweet.