Do you think people from Norfolk realise the irony that Sister is an anagram of resist?
Every day I do 100 meters.
I hate my job at the electricity company.
Just started work in the Army camouflage unit. I think the guys like me.
They said I'm blending in wonderfully.
I've got a horrendous yeast infestation in my oven at home.
It's a problem on the rise
A bloke walks into a sandwich shop and says "Cheese sandwich please".
The guy behind the counter says "With relish?".
The bloke replies "Why I would just love one of your delicious cheese sandwiches my good man".
My aunt died, God bless her, at a ripe old age of 104.
We called her Aunt Tique.
I tried some mini golf today.
The salesmen at BMW were furious.
I have a friend who lives in south Korea.
She's my 'Seoul Mate'.
Hot air balloon theft. It's on the rise.
I lost the sight in one eye in a fishing accident yesterday. So this morning my missus was sitting next to me flicking her bean. She said, "I bet you don't know what I'm doing?"
I Said, "I have a good eye dear."
I've just come back from a bukakke party in Paris.
The girl got an Eiffel.
Elton John- You can tell everybody this is your son.
I voted for Labour last year.
But my wife still went for the Caesarian in the end.
Neighbours pointed out that Ivy on our roof was getting dangerous. I told them there was nothing I could do.
Once Nan sobered up, she'd stop throwing slates and come down herself.
I think my dog might be a genius.
I just asked him what five minus five is, and he said nothing.
Some men from Iran told me Ankara is the biggest city in Turkey. I reckon that's eastern bull.
I grew up on a farm and I taught myself to ride a horse bareback from an early age.
I would have used condoms but the nearest chemist was five miles away.
I had an exam on smilies today.
I got a :D
I have an imaginary friend. By which I mean I square rooted one of my enemies.
I just told my imaginary friend I'm pregnant.
He said he's made up.
I went to the doctor and told him I'm addicted to Train Spotting.
He told me I was Anoraksic.
I want to write a cutlery joke but I dont know what the fork to say.
I started seeing this new bird recently, shes alright. My mates told me shes known to be mint in bed, only cause shes a bit of a bike.
So i went to town on her.
My Nan just won the National Bush Award at her farm.
Herpeas have never tasted so good.
My Daughter caught me with my trousers down today.
It was a leap of faith but she's suprisingly strong.