BBC News: Police storm farm in gunman hunt.
I bet there's pigs everywhere.

Pop Up Blocker (noun): The underneath of my desk when I sit too close to the computer.

Got a new boat the other day.
I didn't want it but there was a sale on.

A pink, two headed kangaroo just flew into my room and said she wants a divorce because me and my army of fish fingers have lost our grasp on reality.

My mate always buys the best rod, net and tackle box, just so people can congratulate him on all his gear.
He's always fishing for compliments.

Tha.
It's not all that.

B&Q didn't have any imaginary paint.
So I asked if they could make some up for me.

I'm going to see a cage fight tomorrow night.
It's scheduled for twelve rounds against a wooden crate.

I have been informed of some key information.
They are useful for opening locks

A mime artist witnessed me rob a bank.
I had to give him half to keep his hands shut.

How do you tell if a ghost is straight?
Use a spirit level.

When I found my 3 year old son smashing one of my chess pieces with a hammer I was horrified.
I thought it'd be at least another 10 years until I caught him bashing the bishop.

Next time try posting a joke without using any words.
Just a thought.

One million marching in Egypt.
That's a fair row

I work as a music teacher in a local school. After singing a piece to the children they started to become very abusive, saying horrible things such as, "You can't even hit A minor!"
So I proved them wrong, I hit quite a few actually.

It's great that we finally bought a fridge freezer. Now I can finally keep my fridge as cold as it should be.

Ever since my friend got his ear pierced, the ladies have been all over him.
What a stud.

I don't think I'm cut out for this mine clearing malarkey.
The Sergeant says it's going to take a while to find my feet.

I was walking through a library when It hit me.
Must've fallen from the Stephen King shelf.

My fat wife will be set for life now that I've won the lottery.
Finally I can afford enough cement to cover her in.

'David Beckham wants 5th child'
I thought he would've had enough with Seven.

I'm seeing a therapist to help with my kleptomania, and I have taken something valuable away from every session.

It's a well known fact that Adolf Hitler loved dogs and other animals.
He was, after all, a veteran aryan.

Chicken pot pie sounds like such a good idea....
If you add commas.

To be fair, I must start using sunscreen soon.