Wordplay Joke

Today I delivered a package to a man in jail.
He got what was coming to him.

Wordplay Joke

The smallest things always get on my nerves...
Like Dwarfs

Wordplay Joke

Arrears, dues, debt, it's all greek to me.

Wordplay Joke

In a recent Gallup poll it showed ponies run faster than donkeys.

Wordplay Joke

As a policeman, you wouldn't believe some of the lies I'm told.
Only yesterday a woman claimed her car had run off the road.
'Pull the other one love, cars don't have legs'

Wordplay Joke

Snooker playing Midgets.
Give it a rest.

Wordplay Joke

Standing outside my house earlier and every sixty seconds a heavy cast iron disk went rolling past me. I thought... "weight a minute..."

Wordplay Joke

I support Columbia, not England.
I prefer 3 lines up my nose.

Wordplay Joke

Just a guess, but I bet most cyclops don't subscribe to the 'eye for an eye' theory.

Wordplay Joke

My electrician just came to my house and wired it really badly.
I was shocked.

Wordplay Joke

I went to a 70's disco last night.
It was just full of OAP's.

Wordplay Joke

I'm known as a man of few words.
Nuff said.

Wordplay Joke

BBC NEWS: 300 pairs of used pants have been found on the M25.
Police are now checking skid marks to see if there`s been an accident.

Wordplay Joke

As I was eyeing up my last shot on the 18th hole in the golf tournament I decided to use my driver.
He's a much better player than me.

Wordplay Joke

My friend and I are moving into a tree-house together.
I hope we don't fall out.

Wordplay Joke

I'm back from the gym. I spent the entire week lifting weights.
Now my house is full of them.

Wordplay Joke

I used to work at a watch recycling centre.
What a waste of time.

Wordplay Joke

Tried to change the water in my fishtank earlier.
Despite my best efforts, it remained as water.

Wordplay Joke

I was set up on a blind date with a girl who was obsessed with the metric system, I couldn't wait to metre.

Wordplay Joke

The boomerang is Australia's biggest export.
(And then import.)

Wordplay Joke

I went into the butchers the other day and asked for a big fat Christmas bird,
"Turkey" he asked,
I replied "I don't care where she's from as long she can handle a spit roast"

Wordplay Joke

I moved my Tomato Ketchup company from England to India.
It's called out-saucing.

Wordplay Joke

Jokes about the police are terribly rude, so just give them arrest.

Wordplay Joke

Women were eyeing up my big bulge in my jeans today.
I didn't reach the toilet in time.

Wordplay Joke

"..and that concludes today's invisibility lesson. Is everybody clear?"