I've just seen the headline: "What makes F1 drivers special?"
I'd say "accidents".
We asked 100 people if they could mime watching a game of tennis.
They all said no.
Ortographobia is the fear of spelling mistakes.
That name's tempting fate a bit I think...
I used to post loads of jokes about wood.....
But I'm starting to run out of material.
I'll tell you who isn't playing FIFA 12, and that's Richard Dawkins.
He's a Pro-Evolution man.
I went up to Mr. T and said, "I'm going to cook you a dessert."
He said, "Try fool!"
I said, "No, strawberry cheesecake, actually."
My friend asked me to come up with Eleven jokes about Wimbledon.
I think Tennis enough.
Do Americanisms lose something and sound less cool when you use them in England?
Well, that's the 652,848 question.
There are many advantages of visiting Switzerland.
I mean, even the flag itself is a big plus.
People who confuse the metaphorical and the factual make my head literally explode.
I was in a band called 'Screw Cap'.
You may have seen us on Top of the Pops.
My dog kept chasing people on a bike.
So we took his bike off him.
Then he just sat in the garden and barked all day.
So we gave him his bike back.
Because his bark was worse than his bike.
'Are your relatives in business?'
'Yes - in the iron and steel business'
'Yes - me mother irons and me father steals'
I before E except after C .....tell that to a Scientist
I struggled to lift a bottle of water earlier.
It was an Evian.
My friend was telling me his son accidentally drowned while on holiday in the Ukraine.
Oh, Crimea River!
This guy was having a go at me today for breaking a CD of his.
So I ripped him a new one.
Selling an Xbox game online, just got a message asking why I've put collection only due to size and weight?
I said I'm morbidly obese and can't get to the post office.
A dodgy looking fellow came up to me and said, "You see all this cocaine? It can all be yours for a special price."
"Forget it," I replied, "There's no way I'm kidnapping Jordan's son."
Just thought of a great owl joke, but I can't use it until 2/8/20.
George Bush has just announced that the floods in New Orleans are believed to be the work of a suicide plumber from Iraq.
Shortbread... They're not making it any longer
All the threes... 33.
One and six... Sweet 16.
Unlucky for some... 9/11.
I saw two people hailing a taxi today and thought:
"What strange religion do they belong to?"