Wordplay Joke

My son recently completed all of his swimming lessons. As a reward I gave him a red wetsuit and pushed him out to sea.
Thats my buoy!

Wordplay Joke

I thought I'd kill some time today.
It took me ages.

Wordplay Joke

The belt
That's
Sorry, that's below the belt

Wordplay Joke

I've just dumped my girlfriend...
They'll never look for her in the woods.

Wordplay Joke

I went to a dog show yesterday.
Those Loose Women are even uglier in person.

Wordplay Joke

I can't remember the last time I got really drunk.

Wordplay Joke

BBC NEWS: Teachers hurt in chemical spill,
That's a bit of an overreaction.

Wordplay Joke

If I had a pound for every time I was late with the dinner...
I'd have black eyes and a broken nose like my wife.

Wordplay Joke

My daughter asked me to greet her friends in the style of a traditional Indian Apache.
But I didn't know how.

Wordplay Joke

Life is a lot like Sickipedia.
When you join you think you're destined for greatness but in the end you just get buried.

Wordplay Joke

My wife and I were having marital difficulties, so we decided to see a counsellor.
He said he couldn't help us, but the potholes in the road would be filled next month.

Wordplay Joke

I asked a couple of mates where I should go in Croatia.
Opinions were Split.

Wordplay Joke

Men are not better than women...
Women are worse than men.

Wordplay Joke

I'm getting sick and tired of all these jokes about missing children.
Lets just face it, they've been done to death.

Wordplay Joke

I just rung my boss and said I can't come into work tomorrow as I've hurt my legs and can't walk.
Lame excuse I know

Wordplay Joke

Self Checkouts - Easy To Steal?
Nope, trust me, those things are bolted to the ground.

Wordplay Joke

I had my mug shot today.
Now how am i supposed to drink my tea?

Wordplay Joke

A cure for agrophobics is just around the corner.

Wordplay Joke

A fisher man has just crashed his boat into an iceberg sailing past Finland.
I bet Helsinki.

Wordplay Joke

I took acid last night.
My chemistry teacher was furious.

Wordplay Joke

I saw a Teletubby on a scooter shouting out, "All that we see or seem is but a dream within a dream".
I think it may have been Edgar Allan Po.

Wordplay Joke

My mate told me he was going to sign up for the library's Debating Club.
But I talked him out of it.

Wordplay Joke

I lost face at work today. It wouldn't be so bad, but I'm a plastic surgeon, and it wasn't my face.

Wordplay Joke

My wife is pretty useless when it comes to darts.
That's why I call her missus.

Wordplay Joke

The fuse went in my wife's hair dryer, so she asked me to fit another.
I refused.