Wordplay Joke

My wife thinks I'm too old to still care so much for my Lord of the Rings memorabilia.
But you know what they say, it's not easy saying goodbye to old hobbits.

Wordplay Joke

Bee keeping is a weird profession to aspire to.
Although, I hear it's buzzing in the summer.

Wordplay Joke

I feel foolish.
I didn't have quite enough to eat.

Wordplay Joke

I'm taking Dyson to court because they lie when they advertised their products.
I bought one and there's still an old bag attached to it.

Wordplay Joke

Just bought a box of Innuendo Cakes.
They're pumped full of cream!

Wordplay Joke

I demonstrate a real flare for arson.

Wordplay Joke

My computer asked me if I wanted it to remember the recent web pages I'd visited.
I thought, "What's the cache?"

Wordplay Joke

The wife just said to me she's going to black up her face and sing 'Camptown Races'.
Wonder if she's pre minstrel?

Wordplay Joke

I just stole the vicar's paper. Well, technically it was The Sun of a preacher man.

Wordplay Joke

I had to hire an eastern european cleaner to come into my store this week.
All my employees were filthy.

Wordplay Joke

I won't be making any jokes about 9.11.
Apparently that's way past my bed time.

Wordplay Joke

You have to Discriminate against Australians!

Wordplay Joke

Saw a geometric shape with really sharp corners.
I thought "That's acute triangle"

Wordplay Joke

My wife has left me because of my dual personality.
I'm beside myself.

Wordplay Joke

I was re-reading some Harry Potters earlier, and I must admit, as a plot device, those Pensieves had a lot of thought put into them.

Wordplay Joke

Lawyer - As you can see, the headline reads,
"Gang Wanted For Looting".
Judge - "& your point is?"
Lawyer - "Well my clients were simply doing what they were told"

Wordplay Joke

There's nothing like a woman with a logical mind. Literally

Wordplay Joke

My girlfriend always complains when I start boring her.
It's a fairly blase response to a power drill to the knees.

Wordplay Joke

It will be a bit awkward when Tupac's family realise his name backwards spells "Caput"...

Wordplay Joke

If you hang yourself using rope, then is the tension literally killing you?

Wordplay Joke

I hate it when my girlfriend picks her nose in front of me.
She knows I'm not happy about the plastic surgery.

Wordplay Joke

Why do Marty McFly and The Doc think they're so special?
I'm always travelling forward in time.

Wordplay Joke

My mate manages a football team, and when I asked him how things were going this season and he said
"Alright, I just need one more player to help all of the black players gel together, any suggestions?"
I replied
"Pascal Chimp-bonder"

Wordplay Joke

I saw some Indian's in Tesco's today........ They were working at the Deli counter.

Wordplay Joke

Lescott did a bet on himself to score first. Bookies refused to payout however because of the state of his coupon