Wordplay Joke

I wrote a book about noise.
You've probably heard about it.

Wordplay Joke

I make over 300 a week on line.
I'm a train driver .

Wordplay Joke

A man has died after falling into a vat full of Cadbury chocolate.
At least he died a Hero.

Wordplay Joke

I'm doing some charity work next week if anyone is interested in sponsoring me. I'm going to be growing a tumor in aid of people with moustaches.

Wordplay Joke

Well, It's That time of year again
12:30

Wordplay Joke

I put out a fire today.
Because I felt it would be less dangerous in the garden than in my house.

Wordplay Joke

I was telling my mate about how my wife backed the car into the garden gate and the insurance wouldn't pay out.
"I had to cough up 300 quid!" I said.
"Bad habit, that," said my mate.
"What?"
"Eating your money."

Wordplay Joke

Easyjet. Because the air hostesses like to be boarded from the rear.

Wordplay Joke

i hear osama's bin laden with bullets

Wordplay Joke

My mate reckons due to increasing suicide rates, belts are set to be banned.
Brace yourselves.

Wordplay Joke

BBC News - Type 2 Diabetes can be reversed
Big deal i can reverse ageing
gniega.

Wordplay Joke

Reason why I love to juggle retinas?
Its eye catching.

Wordplay Joke

I knew my ex-girlfriend was lying when she told me that she was 'the one'.
She dodged none of my bullets and died instantly.

Wordplay Joke

There, their, and they're. Get it right, your in college!

Wordplay Joke

I sneezed and my nose got bigger.
A Jew.

Wordplay Joke

Newcastle has lowest number of registerd paedophile's,
Because all the kid's are ugly.

Wordplay Joke

You know that burning feeling you get in your ears when someone is talking about you behind your back.
Turns out that someone was trying to tell me my hat was on fire.

Wordplay Joke

I told my parents I could do better on my exams if they bought me some eels from the aquarium.
I ended up getting Morays.

Wordplay Joke

I like checking out little girls.
Yes, my new job - stamping hands at the exit to Disney Land, is going well.

Wordplay Joke

I was offered a Monopoly board game for free,
It was missing a few bits,
I said "No chance".

Wordplay Joke

Since I moved to America, I spend all day at work pulling stupid faces.
I love my job as a plastic surgeon.

Wordplay Joke

My ex-girlfriend told me that I had to go one week without using any sporting idioms or she would break up with me.
I fell at the first hurdle.

Wordplay Joke

I've got to go to hospital today for a chest x-ray.
TB or not TB, that is the question.

Wordplay Joke

As an avid trainspotter and casual pedophile, I have been most disappointed tonight and am now considering suing Babestation under the trades description act.

Wordplay Joke

Eskimos eat whale meat and blubber.
I'd blubber too if I had to eat Whale meat.