Wordplay Joke

My mom asked me if i'd heard of the famous Campanologist Johnny Murtagh
I said he rang a bell.

Wordplay Joke

I took my son to the doctors today, and the doctor said "I'm sorry, your son is a hemophiliac"
I said "So what if I throw my favorite DVD at him?"
The Doctor said "There will be blood"
I said "No, it's actually Scarface"

Wordplay Joke

I took my son to the doctors today, and the doctor said "I'm sorry, your son is a hemophiliac"
I said "So what if I throw my favorite DVD at him?"
The Doctor said "There will be blood"
I said "No, it's actually Scarface"

Wordplay Joke

Daily Express: "Our little girl lives with half a brain"
Strange name for a partner.

Wordplay Joke

An old man goes to the doctors complaining he hears music every time he puts his hat on. The doctor takes the hat into a back room and comes back out after a few minutes. The man puts his hat back on and says
"That's incredible, I can't hear music anymore. How did you do that?"
"Easy, I just removed the band."

Wordplay Joke

My favourite one liner is the circle

Wordplay Joke

I've just been up in court charged with flying my Sky-writing plane too close to the ground.
The judge gave me a suspended sentence.

Wordplay Joke

I've been working as part of the crash team in A&E.
When they bring a seriously injured person in, I push a wheelchair into them at high speed.

Wordplay Joke

I've been trying to get a six pack for years but it's just impossible.
No matter where I look, Stella only comes in fours, tens, twelves, twenties and twenty-fours.

Wordplay Joke

I recently bought a German Shepherd.
It's amazing how quick he can goose step my sheep into their pen.

Wordplay Joke

BBC News: Are Britons or Germans the rudest?
Neither. I knew a Dutch bloke who was very Ruud indeed.

Wordplay Joke

Long story short,I wrote a summary of a novel..

Wordplay Joke

I just got a job at kwik-Fit,
It's only voluntary but it's nice helping all the epileptics in need.

Wordplay Joke

Wouldn't it be rad if you could get a degree in angles.

Wordplay Joke

I went on a cookery show yesterday.
They said, "You've got thirty minutes to rustle something up"
So I popped out to the nearest farm and stole a sheep.

Wordplay Joke

Why didn't the religious triangle go on holiday?
cos It's A sin To Get A tan

Wordplay Joke

I went to Germany for the day and there I met a midget. We spent the day together and he taught me some new words.
Now I know a little German.

Wordplay Joke

I bought a baseball cap today, but every time i put it on my head it rolls off.

Wordplay Joke

I've been watching back to back Pixar films until I couldn't stand it any longer.
I threw Up.

Wordplay Joke

Me and my band perform all types of covers and we usually feed off the crowd.
It's mostly half eaten hot dogs and burgers they throw at us.

Wordplay Joke

I was in an Australian prison and I heard the guard shout "We've bought you a new cell mate"
I said "Good, this one is cramped and has no window"

Wordplay Joke

My mate asked me if I wanted to go fishing with him.
I said, "What's the catch?"

Wordplay Joke

Your mate saying 'I've always liked fuller figured women, personally' is a convoluted way of saying 'by the way, when you meet the missus, don't stare, she's fat.'

Wordplay Joke

Any ladies want to come round to mine tonight for a dinner date?
I'm making rohypnol chicken...you won't be able to resist me afterwards.

Wordplay Joke

I've just put a tracker on my new car incase it gets stolen.
I still don't know how a chocolate bar will help locate it though.