Wordplay Joke

I remember the shouts of "SCAB!" as my father went to work. "SCAB!" they would shout during the great dermatologists strike...

Wordplay Joke

I went and got my colon checked yesterday.
It turned out it was an apostrophe.

Wordplay Joke

My mate pointed out the other day that Specsavers was having an 80% discount on everything, however I couldn't see the big deal.

Wordplay Joke

I have a terrible problem with insomnia.
I can't sleep because my neighbour keeps playing Faithless' Greatest Hits until four in the morning.

Wordplay Joke

Girl guide knocks on my doors and offered me cookies.
I told her I couldn't pay in cache.

Wordplay Joke

I crossed my duck with a goose.The baby came out funny, it's got funny eyes and it's tongue hangs out.
I dont know if it's a Down duck or a Mong goose

Wordplay Joke

Did you hear about the tennis match between the two artists?
They drew.

Wordplay Joke

I bet Princess Diana wishes she had as many brakes as the SuperBowl

Wordplay Joke

My mom died during delivery.
At least we got a condolence letter from FedEx.

Wordplay Joke

Ladies and gentlemen, please put your hands together for...
... Velcro gloves!

Wordplay Joke

My wife has told me that she is going to hire a lawyer to try and get everything I own because of my obsession with the singer Bobby Brown.
Well, two can play at that game.

Wordplay Joke

Doctor Doctor?
Yes, patient patient?

Wordplay Joke

I can't believe I just paid 100 quid to get rimmed.
Should've gone to specsavers.

Wordplay Joke

Today's horse racing tip of the day...
Point it in the right direction and tell it to run as fast as it can.

Wordplay Joke

"If you don't ask, you don't get."
I don't remember asking for Herpes.

Wordplay Joke

I love local jokes.
They're right up my street.

Wordplay Joke

I believe that a person who fancies both men and women should be treated exactly the same as anyone else...
Bi rights.

Wordplay Joke

"This crowd is boring. Not even Sympathy for the Devil got them going!"
"Well, what did you expect? A Rolling Stone gathers no mosh."

Wordplay Joke

I've started making solid gold action figures from the Lord of the Rings franchise.
It's an expensive hobbit.

Wordplay Joke

Mathematicians don't get old and senile.
They just lose some of their functions.

Wordplay Joke

So today's news stated that "the spice turmeric used in curries can help the battle against cancer"
It's called kormatherapy

Wordplay Joke

What's Bob short for?
Diabetes claimed both his legs.

Wordplay Joke

I love cloning just as much as the next guy.
And the next guy.

Wordplay Joke

When we were at the beach, my kid asked me if I'd make the lobster he found look like Zoidberg, but I told him I had bigger fish to Fry.

Wordplay Joke

I'm having a bit of a party tonight, as I've just turned 50.
Apparently it's an all time record for converting people to Jehovah Witnesses.