After the success of my first restaurant, Karma, I've decided to expand my food business and open Karma 2.
We serve just desserts.

I used to smoke Benson & Hedges, but then I changed brands.
It's all been Dunhill from there.

I walked home with a skip in my step today.
Accidentally stood on a packet of crisps.

The Internet is now the second largest collection of jokes in the world...
The FA are still hanging on to the top spot.

My blind wife has started seeing a therapist.
He must be good.

I had a threesome with a scalene and an isosceles.
It was a love triangle.

BBC News: "Spelling mistakes 'cost millions'."
Or is that 'billions'? Guess we'll never know.

A few people are complaining about the new lightning conductor at the concert hall.
A lot of the orchestra can't keep up with him.

The Air Con Con Con: Where I sell you tickets to an Air Conditioning convention that doesn't actually exist.

Today my granddad started pelting me with Werthers.
I wasn't mad though, I thought it was quite original.

I just killed my limousine driver.
I don't know why, because I have nothing to chauffeur it.

My wife says I have the attention span of a

I had to do a presentation on children's playground equipment.
So I did a slide show.

Just bought some counterfeit Mr Kipling's.
I must say, they're exceedingly good fakes.

I'm a pool player. I always chat up girls when I go swimming.

I failed my English literature exam. Apparently, the answer to question 2b) was not 'or not 2b).'

Friends of my wife and I, recently bought a Farm, and decided to invite us to a "House warming" party.
I said to my wife, "What shall we get them for a present?"
"How about this long length of rope with bucket attached?" she replied.
"Yes," said I. "I am sure that will go down well."

I saw a little black girl in distress yesterday.
So I made her take it off.

I used to live in a small town in Spain called Macarena.
But I don't like to make a song and dance about it.

I work at the Royal Mint and, to be honest, I make a lot of money.

I applied for a job in Australia
I think I have the necessary koalafications.

I jumped in a cab the other day and said to the driver, "Isle of Dogs."
He said, "That's nice. I'm more of a cat man myself. Now, where do you want to go?"

Can you tell me what someone from Corsica is called?
Corsican.

Gently tapping the wife on the back of the head earlier.
"Knock it off," she said.
Big mistake.

The wife asked me to take her out today,
"With a rifle?" is apparently not the best response.