Wordplay Joke

What mobile phone network does Luke Skywalker use?
Yodafone.

Wordplay Joke

The few friends I do have keep asking me for money.
I've always been a loaner.

Wordplay Joke

I invented a machine the other day which silently makes left handed tennis equipment
It must have had a malfunction though, it made a right raquet

Wordplay Joke

Our housing estate has a small, resident ghost that helps out during hard times.
It's nice to have a little community spirit.

Wordplay Joke

Why did the one legged clown leave the cheese circus?
Because he couldn't get his Stilton.

Wordplay Joke

I had a round of golf with my entire family today and I must say we all did pretty well....
even Pa.

Wordplay Joke

Just seen an advert on youtube, "Find a single Muslim.com"
I'm not sure though, online relationships like that can blow up in your face

Wordplay Joke

Ryan Giggs is an amazing player.
He's not a bad footballer either.

Wordplay Joke

My wife said she's getting fed up of my constant guitar puns.
I told her not to fret.

Wordplay Joke

We don't have any vegetable jokes yet, so if you know one, lettuce know...

Wordplay Joke

"You've only half finished the bathroom!" said the wife.
It was a few tile effort.

Wordplay Joke

I used to work in a boomerang factory.
Returns department.

Wordplay Joke

While out the other day in my new white shirt, the wind caused a dirty loose drainpipe to fall on me.
I was guttered.

Wordplay Joke

Diamonds, Clubs and Spades walk into a bar.
How Heartless.

Wordplay Joke

Sometimes I try to squeeze through cat flaps, but it hurts them so they start scratching.

Wordplay Joke

I was on my lunch yesterday when I suddenly thought, I have just squashed my sandwiches.

Wordplay Joke

My alarm went off this morning.
It still hasn't come back yet and I'm beginning to worry.

Wordplay Joke

I could tell it was a monopoly board from the word go.

Wordplay Joke

I got served at a restaurant in France by this really weird looking waitress...
She gave me the crepes.

Wordplay Joke

I've started going to a new church that's built on the burial site of the old paediatric hospital.
We pray on children.

Wordplay Joke

I'm really looking forward to my corrective neck surgery

Wordplay Joke

I've two friends called William Hill. What are the odds?

Wordplay Joke

While on the tube, I saw a smartly dressed woman on her phone.
So I went up to her and said "there's no reception underground."
She looked at me blankly and said that she knew.
I replied "so stop pretending to be a receptionist and get back in the kitchen."

Wordplay Joke

I bought a new chest freezer today.
My nipples are now constantly erect

Wordplay Joke

My friend said he was going to create an invisibility cloak. I don't see it working though