Wordplay Joke

I had a house party last night.
My house was the only one that turned up.

Wordplay Joke

I'm looking forward to James Cameron's new film.
It's about a mysterious planet where everybody has turned blue from drinking too much WKD.
It's called Chavatar

Wordplay Joke

There's a certain stigma attached to reproduction organs, especially in flowers.

Wordplay Joke

'It's the quiet ones that you've got to watch'
Especially at mime shows.

Wordplay Joke

Those disposable cameras are a complete con. Now I have absolutely no record of a perfectly lovely holiday.

Wordplay Joke

I've put on a bit of muscle recently.
A friend of mine asked me how I'd achieved it.
"Milk protein" I replied.
"No way" he responded.
"Whey"

Wordplay Joke

Jeff Stelling is to leave as host of Countdown after 3 years.
This has presented the producers with a bit of a drumconun.

Wordplay Joke

Probably the only time a Scouser is happy to see Bale denied!

Wordplay Joke

Lite: the new way to spell "Light," now with 20% fewer letters!

Wordplay Joke

I was sent on an anger management course.
Apparently it's all the rage.

Wordplay Joke

My new bulimia charity campaign has been quite successful.
I've received a lot of feedback.

Wordplay Joke

Marie: 'What does your husband do for a living?'
Joanne: 'He's a joiner'
Marie: 'Oh yes? What does he do?'
Joanne: 'Whenever he sees someone going in the pub he joins them'

Wordplay Joke

Nothing quite says "I'm a loser" like spelling loser with a double "o".

Wordplay Joke

What's the temperature in Motown ?
Three degrees, four tops...

Wordplay Joke

I can't seem to lose at strip poker lately...
I must be on a winning streak.

Wordplay Joke

After Stephen Hawking's wheel chair crashed into a bus stop, police have found it was a computer problem.
A disabled driver

Wordplay Joke

I got 25 years in jail for rifling through my own girlfriends underwear.
My lawyer tells me it would have been less if the bayonet had not been attached.

Wordplay Joke

My new greyhound has come last in his first six races.
He's got an exciting Korea ahead of him.

Wordplay Joke

I was trying to figure out what makes Africans so hard to understand...
... and then it clicked.

Wordplay Joke

Time flies when you want to know which one's the quickest.

Wordplay Joke

I can't believe Pretzels are knot bread.

Wordplay Joke

What ever happened to the first Timbuk?

Wordplay Joke

I went through some patches in my life that I'm not proud of.
Especially when I was a pirate.

Wordplay Joke

I am trying to win the heart of a young lady.
I have bought 2 tickets in the Alder Hey Hospital raffle.

Wordplay Joke

I was down the pub last night when my mate turned round and called me, "Odd."
It's made me determined to get even.