Wordplay Joke

I was looking for a pair of socks but could only find one.
That's odd.

Wordplay Joke

A high jumper walked into a bar.
Needless to say, he didnt qualify.

Wordplay Joke

When I'm bored I like to put knifes through clocks.
I call it 'Killing time'

Wordplay Joke

I was having Italian last night when the waitress came over and asked if I wanted a spoon for my spaghetti...
I negotiated and in the end got a hand job for my bread basket.

Wordplay Joke

I had to ground my son earlier.
He won't mess around with electricity again.

Wordplay Joke

12 months ago i bought 4 new tyres for my car, 139 apiece.
Today i had to get 4 new tyres but was amazed to find they now cost 155 each.
Which confirms that tyres are indeed subject to inflation.

Wordplay Joke

I used to get laughed at a lot at work until the other day, when I decided to invert the contents of the cafe.
Oh how the tables have turned.

Wordplay Joke

I don't see why the weatherman is fussed on if it is going to rain while people are at Reading.
Personally if my book starts to get wet, I just go back inside

Wordplay Joke

What's the point of rhetorical questions?
Yes.

Wordplay Joke

Most people don't want to know when and where they're going to die, but I do.
Then I won't go there.

Wordplay Joke

Just heard on a film trailer - "It's not over till it's over."
Yeah, that's how it generally works...

Wordplay Joke

Just visited The Flying Egg Cafe at Heathrow.
What I want to know is ... which came first, the check-in or The Egg?

Wordplay Joke

Taking it on the Chin: The act of using a Chinese person as a shield.

Wordplay Joke

I'm a huge sports fan, I just can't get enough of sumo wrestling!

Wordplay Joke

My wife finally made me go see the doctor for my erectile dysfunction. When I came back she asked what the doctor said. I told her that I didn't get to ask him about it.
"And why not?" she asked, clearly furious.
"To be honest, it just didn't come up".

Wordplay Joke

Just written a song about blackboards & the cane.
You know, old school..

Wordplay Joke

People quite often say to me, "Steve, how did you become so good at poaching?"
And I just stand there, on my huge pile of pheasants and shout down "I'm just on top of my game."

Wordplay Joke

Animal Rights activists have been protesting outside my flat all day.
They'd heard I spend a lot of time in there shaking the snake, spanking the monkey and choking the chicken.

Wordplay Joke

Normal Ovations?
I won't stand for them.

Wordplay Joke

My wife suffers from ME.
Mainly when I punch her in the face.

Wordplay Joke

My geeky friends won't stop talking about comic books and superheroes. I didn't mind so much until I went to see one of them at home. He showed me his entire comic collection, which had to be in the thousands...
This guy has issues...

Wordplay Joke

I got in a fight with a load of kids earlier.
I never knew goats could be so vicious.

Wordplay Joke

Nada, zilch, zero, nil. These words mean nothing to me.

Wordplay Joke

Do you remember the time dinosaurs had to keep calling up BT to get their internet sorted?
It was the LAN before time.

Wordplay Joke

Me and my wife were arguing over who got to eat the last gherkin....
What a pickle....