Wordplay Joke

I'm having my stag do at the Capcom Comic Convention.
I've heard that there's going to be loads of excited virgins there.

Wordplay Joke

I'm really happy with my new job fitting heating devices into electric kettles.
I'm in my element.

Wordplay Joke

My wife said,"I know we're both overweight, but we need to switch up the pace and spice it up more in the bedroom."
We both compromised, and decided to get the hot salsa instead of the mild.

Wordplay Joke

I told my wife that she had drawn her eyebrows too high,
she looked quite surprised....!

Wordplay Joke

People who show off about their lotion just keep rubbing it in....

Wordplay Joke

3 words on a climbing frame at breaktime...
I've never really understood this wordplay category

Wordplay Joke

I asked a bloke in town how far it was to the train station, he said 'if you're rushing it's ten minutes', I said 'how far is it if i'm irish?'

Wordplay Joke

I asked a bloke in town how far it was to the train station, he said 'if you're rushing it's ten minutes', I said 'how far is it if i'm irish?'

Wordplay Joke

I think my wife's trending on twitter.
'tache hag, my wife.

Wordplay Joke

"Yes! Faster! Faster!"
"In the mouth! Quick!"
"Just watching makes me wanna suck something!"
Just another day at the apple bobbing championships.

Wordplay Joke

I used to work in a shop that sold mirrors, but unfortunately the quality of the products began to decline.
Eventually I just couldn't see myself working there any more.

Wordplay Joke

I was eating some salad the other day, and noticed some mould on the edge of my lettuce.
On further investigation, this proved to be just the tip of the iceberg.

Wordplay Joke

With a margin of error around 3% give or take...
That's how I poll.....

Wordplay Joke

"What do we want?"
"More music compilations."
"When do we want it?"
"Now, 156."

Wordplay Joke

My friends say I need to be more decisive, I'm not so sure.

Wordplay Joke

My mate asked me, "In 1 second, can you think of a 4 letter word that starts with K and ends with W?
"No." I replied.
"Wow, you're good!"

Wordplay Joke

I turned down the chance to appear in the new Jeremy Kyle comic strip.
I didn't want to get drawn into an argument.

Wordplay Joke

Credit card companies keep sending me letters encouraging me to become a tightrope walker. Apparently I have outstanding balance.

Wordplay Joke

Everyone at work has promised to eat their sandwiches at 1pm on Monday.
It's a pact lunch.

Wordplay Joke

I got sacked from my job at the ice cream factory yesterday for slagging the company off.
Turns out Walls have ears.

Wordplay Joke

Just went into the apple store in Ireland and tried to buy an IPod.
But apparently they only sell apples.

Wordplay Joke

I made a Freudian Slip once.
It was so popular, Anne Summers commisioned me to design a range.

Wordplay Joke

Well it looks like I'll be up to my neck in paperwork again tonight.
Although it's not so bad sleeping rough when it's the summer.

Wordplay Joke

I have a terrible fear of washing lines.
When I saw my wife had put one up in the garden, I just pegged it.

Wordplay Joke

I've just been on one of those 1830's holidays,
It was ace, everyone was wearing cravats and riding penny farthings...