Wordplay Joke

I've been stamping on flatfish with my platform shoes on, alone.
It's sole destroying on so many levels.

Wordplay Joke

People always look at me weird when i start talking to the fruit in supermarkets.
I just like keeping up to date on currant affairs.

Wordplay Joke

A lot of people have names that fit quite nicely, my friend Eg, for example.

Wordplay Joke

I'd really like to accept my wife's portrait sculpture of me, but I'd hate to get a head of myself.

Wordplay Joke

I've given up honey production to form a Monkee's tribute band.
Now I'm a bee leaver.

Wordplay Joke

Petshops -
Can you return a carrier pigeon?

Wordplay Joke

I was trying to chat up this girl at a bar last night. 'My mates call me Sugar,' I said, introducing myself.
'Let me guess,' she said. 'Because you're sweet? Because you're white? Because you're highly refined?'
'No,' I said, 'because I come in lumps.'

Wordplay Joke

I might study something at a university that someone once told me about.
There is a degree of ambiguity there.

Wordplay Joke

I've heard the banquet at the Royal Wedding will be fabulous ... and I bet William's really looking forward to having a go at the Kate ring.

Wordplay Joke

Fulham statue of Michael Jackson erected. Isn't that a bit naughty?

Wordplay Joke

Sky Sports Breaking News: Cesc Fabregas Unhurt After Minor Car Crash.
Yeah, the clutches on those old Morris Minors can be tricky sometimes.

Wordplay Joke

My mates told me I suck at pessimism...
but maybe I will be better at it tomorrow.

Wordplay Joke

They say that Clovers with 4 leaves are good luck...
Mine just ruined my toast.

Wordplay Joke

I had a few drinks in the Irish Rover last night.
Apparently it doesn't make a difference where the car is from, I'm still not allowed to drink drive.

Wordplay Joke

does anyone else see the irony of a blind person in ICU?

Wordplay Joke

There's a new Lynx Deodorant based on the scent of Pythagoras.
Even Angles will fall.

Wordplay Joke

Professional Dominoes players... they're just trying to make ends meet

Wordplay Joke

walking through Liverpool city centre today and its like a ghost town.
I think they have taken this boycott of the sun way too serious.

Wordplay Joke

My son has started playing in the green house.
I suspect he'll soon grow out of it.

Wordplay Joke

My wife just gave me a headjob. It was good, but I told her that it wasn't as good as her sister's.
Man, did she give me a mouthful.

Wordplay Joke

My dad's always eating the legs off of flying insects.
He says it's the bees knees.

Wordplay Joke

My mouth connects at both ends.
Smiles all round.

Wordplay Joke

I took a few minutes off from serving in a restaurant to make a phone call.
I got the message, "The person at the other end knows that you are waiting."
Spooky.

Wordplay Joke

Rigt then
Wait.. That isn't right.

Wordplay Joke

Did you hear about the squirrel that suffered an unexpected castration?
He couldn't find his nuts.