Wordplay Joke

Was in town the other day when this little iranian lady shouted ' big'ish shoe please '
So I gave her one of my size 8 kickers - I was shoe shopping anyway

Wordplay Joke

I bought a Blackberry the other day.
I really don't see what all the fuss is about, they're too small, very delicate, I could never get any signal, couldn't send texts, receive calls or go on the internet with it.
In the end I just gave up and ate it.

Wordplay Joke

'Just been to a party at a 70s disco divas house. We played a game where you had to throw a paki as far as you could'
'Donna summers?'
'No chuck a kahn'

Wordplay Joke

Is anyone else feeling Blue for Great Britain's chance of winning the Eurovision Song Contest.

Wordplay Joke

I fell down a deep hole with some water at the bottom the other day and hurt myself. In those situations you just have to pick yourself up and say "Oh well".

Wordplay Joke

Everytime I look in the mirror, I get a real shock. But that's me.

Wordplay Joke

I wrote a poem about being skint today. It's called 'owed to a debt collector.'

Wordplay Joke

I told my girlfriend that if she married me, i'd show her the stars.
She did, and the black eyes prove it.

Wordplay Joke

Always remember 'Never Eat Shredded Wheat'
Especially if you're a coeliac

Wordplay Joke

I just got off the phone to directory enquiries, the girl on the phone started chatting me up, telling me that she's completely clean shaven.
She's a smooth operator.

Wordplay Joke

I've spent the whole day on a social networking site.
I got stuck on the roof of our community centre.

Wordplay Joke

Deafness is getting to become quite a problem for me lately. I never thought I'd hear myself say that.

Wordplay Joke

My dwarf friend approached me today, and asked me why I'd been insulting him behind his back.
I said, "Look, mate, I'm going to level with you." And got down on my knees.

Wordplay Joke

Gary Glitter is hoping to slip out of the UK and live in Casablanca........ Here's lookin' at you,kids

Wordplay Joke

I've just invited a few victims of domestic violence to a tea party.
Bruise all round!

Wordplay Joke

I was suprised that Swansea beat Reading.
Turns out, the Swans own the Royals.

Wordplay Joke

I got thrown out of a cheese rolling contest in Holland because I used French cheese with herbs in it.
Apparently I wasn't following le roule's.

Wordplay Joke

BBC News: 'Arrest after hospital abuse film.'
To be fair, you'd be tired too if you'd been bullying spastics all day.

Wordplay Joke

lost my virginity for a pound today.
shouldn't have bent over to pick it up.

Wordplay Joke

I'm working on a joke about discovering a current of air blowing underneath a door.
It's not finished yet though. It's only the first draft.

Wordplay Joke

At auditions, actors are often told to "Break a leg".
I suppose that's one way of getting in the cast.

Wordplay Joke

Sky News: Alarm Bells Ringing As Retail Sales Plunge.
"Sounds like these Retailers need to replace their Security staff?"

Wordplay Joke

I use to have the head of a lizard that told jokes.
Think he may have been a bit of a chameleon.

Wordplay Joke

As my wife walked out of the door she said, "I'm not as stupid as you think, you know".
After she'd gone I said, "You'd better alert the pilot, stewardess"

Wordplay Joke

Losing an eye upsets most people, but it makes a simile smile.