Wordplay Joke

I can't take my eyes off my head.

Wordplay Joke

Apparently, you have to train yourself to last longer in bed.
And there was me thinking it would come naturally..

Wordplay Joke

People who have no index fingers are pointless.

Wordplay Joke

To be fair, stay out of the sun.

Wordplay Joke

My wife just asked me for the remote.
Stupid cow, she knows we don't have a remote for the cooker

Wordplay Joke

I was about to go to a fancy dress party as a can of deodorant.
The wife stopped me and said, "Are you Sure?"

Wordplay Joke

Did you know?
There's a secret Mr. Men character, about whom very little is known.
Even his name is a Mr. E

Wordplay Joke

Cancer, now theres a tropic I don't want to talk about

Wordplay Joke

My mates are crazy. They think that there are blood sucking parasites living on the moon.
Lunar ticks.

Wordplay Joke

Didier Drogba will go down in history.
After the very lightest of contact.

Wordplay Joke

Just been down the arcades.
Four quid for a go in an electric chair!
Shocking...

Wordplay Joke

My girlfriend is leaving me because I've got alopecia.
oh well it's hair loss.

Wordplay Joke

Shouting out 'come on, Dai Greene!' Is a great way to show your support.
But I'm starting to regret shouting it in the barbers.

Wordplay Joke

like most romans my age
i'm XXVII

Wordplay Joke

Someone just posted this note through my letter box.
E
M
G
N
I
B
B
U
R
I think it's rubbing me up the wrong way.

Wordplay Joke

Just had my planning application to open a specialised clothes shop in Bridgend turned down,
not sure why, I was only going to sell jumpers..

Wordplay Joke

Rumours are circulating claiming that eating the non leafy stalk parts of a plant can reduce the risk of cancer by 50%
I don't know where that stemmed from

Wordplay Joke

Biofuels have recently become big news, but the concept has been around for many years.
People long ago figured out a way to run engines on almost any organic matter. Corn, leaves, even spices.
The most public use of biofuels occurred over 60 years ago when British Rail made the trains run on thyme.

Wordplay Joke

My boss asked me what role I would be having in an upcoming project.
"I'll have a ham and cheese" was my reply.

Wordplay Joke

I love aluminium oxide; it's my favourite film.

Wordplay Joke

Sausages... that's how I roll.

Wordplay Joke

My mate was stabbed to death by a sheep in a restaurant yesterday.
To be fair, he did order a Lamb Shank.

Wordplay Joke

My new sat-nav has revolutionised my life.
I can honestly say that I wouldn't be here today without it.

Wordplay Joke

I flatten pastry using a heavy cylindrical object
That's how I roll

Wordplay Joke

I'm just about to meet my mates down the pub but i'm not happy that my wife's coming out.
They are never going to believe she's a lesbian.