Wordplay Joke

Shakespeare hated hugging.
He was a no holds bard.

Wordplay Joke

My local electrical store has such a dated selection of iPods.
They're so out of touch.

Wordplay Joke

Powdered foods just aren't my Cup a soup

Wordplay Joke

I had a tough decision to make at the hairdresser's the other day. I'm a huge Pulp Fiction fan and was umming and ahhing about whether to go for hair like John Travolta's, or something more like Samuel L Jackson's.
The barber suggested I just go with the 'fro.

Wordplay Joke

Smoked bacon....
My vision went streaky

Wordplay Joke

I had almost finished repairing my antique clock when I gave up. I just couldn't face it.

Wordplay Joke

My mates wife's car got clamped last night. A friend asked where. "Around the wheel, obviously" came the reply.

Wordplay Joke

One of my biggest fears in life is the unknown.
Just like........ Uhm.............

Wordplay Joke

If your looking for sympathy, you'll find it in the dictionary between "so" and "what".

Wordplay Joke

So what if it's blowing a gale outside?
I'm off to the brothel for Gail to blow me!

Wordplay Joke

After the recession hit, I invested all my money in Jodrell Bank.
The interest isn't great but their call centre is out of this world.

Wordplay Joke

I bought a blue cactus the other day, something is definitely wrong with it, but i just can't put my finger on it.....

Wordplay Joke

I've just had laser eye surgery.
That should give cyclops from xmen a run for his money

Wordplay Joke

BBC News - Fox challenges foreign aid policy.
Your own policy ideas are fantastic, Mr Fox.

Wordplay Joke

Imaginary numbers are complex.

Wordplay Joke

I was watching some Raw footage the other day
Big Show vs CM Punk

Wordplay Joke

I own a lumberjack business. There's this one guy who wasn't very good with the chainsaw so I gave him the axe.

Wordplay Joke

I own a lumberjack business. There's this one guy who wasn't very good with the chainsaw so I gave him the axe.

Wordplay Joke

I said to my son, "Sit here and don't move. Put these coins under your paper, then shade over them with your pencil"
Went back ten minutes later. Not a trace.

Wordplay Joke

I was getting a quote from a guy to tile my roof. He told me what his plan was.
It went straight over my head

Wordplay Joke

I wish people wouldn't post vegetarian jokes.
They're so Quorny.

Wordplay Joke

Al Qaeda bombs have been found at a saloon, a cattle ranch, and Clint Eastwoods house.
Apparently its an attack on the western world

Wordplay Joke

African boxer Jigaboo Wogchops has just returned to the ring after having both feet amputated due to a horrific accident. So far he has had 12 fights without defeet

Wordplay Joke

My new girlfriend wants me to legally adopt her kids. If this goes any further, I'll have to take steps.

Wordplay Joke

I used to be a reconstructive plastic surgeon, but I just couldn't face it any more.